Even though narcissism exists on a spectrum, majority of people experiencing this type of abuse get a taste of almost everything narcissists are known for. The most dangerous thing about a narcissist is that they begin by gaining love, trust and respect before unleashing their negative narcissistic traits. In most cases, as they are gaining trust in love, respect, and care, they slowly begin breaking down the trust and respect you have in others, and this establishes a false sense of safety in them(the narcissist).
Personal experience:
It took me forever to finally understand that I was actually in a narcissistic abusive relationship. As a matter of fact, I did not mentally or verbally acknowledge that I had been in an abusive relationship until after I left the relationship. I just knew something was terribly wrong, I knew that I was afraid and he caused me a lot of anxiety. The thing I kept telling myself was “it’s not supposed to be this hard.” I questioned why every conversation had to be a fight, and not that I was fighting, it’s that I was defending myself over nothing I had done. Or that I was defending myself because I brought up a concern that needed to be faced. Below are 6 more painful things a narcissist will do to you, as a continuation of this article.
1.Isolate:
This can range from actual isolation, such as locking you in the house in a way that you cannot get out, or emotionally blackmailing you and the people around you. A narcissist will vilify you to others and vilify others to you. By the end of the game, s/he (the narcissist) is the only good one standing, and everyone else is either out to get you or has said/done something to lose your trust.
The losing of trust is usually through the narcissists’ perspective, so either the narcissist heard ‘so and so’ say, or saw ‘so and so’ do, or the narcissist thinks that the way ‘so and so’ interacted with you at the gathering was stand-offish, rude, disrespectful etc etc. The game becomes that the narcissist is looking our for you because others are not. So even in situations where you are certain that you did not feel disrespected, or offended, the narcissist with usually try to convince you that what they saw was the case. Occasionally with convincing tales that actually did not happen. Therefore you either willingly cut ties or are pressured to do so.
For this part to work as well as it does, narcissists spend a good deal of time building trust. Therefore when they come and say that ‘so and so’ is bad, ‘so and so’ said this and that, you believe them without a doubt.
The mistake that most of us make is trusting without verifying the information, and in the situation where you do confront your relative, friend etc, it becomes an internal and occasionally external raging war over believing them or your significant other.
2.Character Assassination:
To others:By the end of my relationship, I was the evil witch.
I was not surprised about this because I have witnessed divorced before and seen just how deep people can go to vilify and humiliate the other. The surprising part was finding out that the death of my character happened long before the end of our relationship. As a matter of fact, the more I spoke out about what was happening to me, the more comfortable my family became in sharing his behavior and words, to my surprise, the murder of my character began within the first month of our relationship.
Narcissists are good at spreading lies and malicious gossip about you, to your and his/her family and friends, and this can also be used to manipulate you.
Tell others you are crazy: This is a standard gaslight strategy to gain favor over you in people’s eyes. If you are crazy, people will not believe you when you start telling them about the things that your abuser has been doing. For instance, by the end of our relationship, my ex-husband had been telling everyone that I had schizophrenia and bipolar and was in the middle of an episode, and that was why I was speaking out and seeking a divorce.
To yourself: It comes down to constant complaints by the narcissist about things such as; you lacking respect and love towards them, you being influenced too much by the friends and family you need to cut out of your life, you not being a good/kind/sweet/loving/supportive spouse, partner, friend, child etc. At the end of the day, they are the best thing that ever happened to you and you are ruining it all by not listening, acting a certain way or being a certain way.
Character assassination to yourself is the most effective and most dangerous tool a narcissist can use against you . This is because it makes you doubt yourself, shakes your sense of personal understanding and cuts down your foundation of self esteem.
3.Compare you to others:
You are simply not good enough. Although this concept is always hidden behind the love bombing they do to cover up their steps and manipulate conversations.
This comes up a lot in conversations – although you should understand that narcissists do not converse, they compete. So a conversation is a verbal competition to see who wins, usually the narcissist.
4.Emotional blackmail:
This is a dangerous tool that narcissists use.
1.It involves the expression of anger, intimidation and warning, then blame. For example, s/he will yell, push, shove, then tell you it’s your fault they did so.
2.This form of blackmail usually leaves the abusee apologizing for what they have not done, or feeling responsible for something they are not responsible for. The abusee will feel “FOG”, fear, obligation and guilt.
3.Attack you with what you love, to make you feel inferior or uncertain about your choices and loved ones.
5.Lie:
Narcissists are exceptional liars. They will lie to you even about things that are as clear as day.
1.They depend on lies to be able to cover up their abusive mannerisms to you and others and make you feel insane for thinking you are going through abuse.
2.They use blatant lies to keep you off balance. If they lie about things that are apparent, you won’t really know when they are telling the truth or when they are lying. You will catch yourself questioning your own sanity.
3.Their words do not match their actions.
4.They spread gossip and rumors about others to you, and be certain that they are spreading gossip and rumors about you to others. The gossip and rumors can be to and about your loved ones, his/her loved ones and strangers as well.
6.Stalk you:
Narcissists like being in control, therefore if they can, they will want to know where you are, who with, and what you are doing at all times. Although they will not stop there, they will want to know the conversations you are having and why, who you were talking to and why? Where you went/are going, and why, simply put, every breath you take will need an explanation and an approval from them.
With this need to constantly keep tabs on you, they might:
- Install an app on your phone to keep track on you.
- Bug your phone, laptop, tablet and any other technology you might have.
- Insist you keep them on call everywhere you go and with everyone you meet.
- Hack or have someone else hack into your means of communication, emails, text messages etc.
- Want to know where you are at all times even when you are in the same house.
Related Post:
Part 1: 5 painful things a narcissist will do to you
