The backstory:
The words rang in my ears as my eyes probed out of my head in disbelief and my mouth gaped open, perhaps to gasp for the air that was succer punched out of my chest by her words. The sight was almost comicial. She passed around passing candy to each of our cousins with a statement. ” To my preetiest cousint” … “To my … cousin” …
and continued her journey weaving through the group that was crowded around a pool table. As she approached me, I remember laughter and comments about this and about other actions. But when she got to me, she handed me the candy and without a second thought said “…and to my ugliest cousin” then she looked almost as if the words were not her own and were taken out of her thought by an external force. I was shocked, actually, dismayed and all I can remember is hurt. I was hurt. The words rang through my ears as silence filled the room. Then she giggled it off, made a snarky comment and said that she was joking, and tried to pass a pretty comment my way and a partial fake hug. Although we all knew that the truth was her first statement to me. Perhaps I believed her too. It had been told to me in so many ways over time that I think I started to believe it myself. The comments were never as direct as she had said it in that moment, but the comments were still there. The “so and so is so much prettier than you”, “your chest is so flat compared to xyz”, “your hair is like steel wood, it can’t grow, it will never grow” “your have no hips” “your butt is too flat” “You have no shape, you are like a boy”, “your laugh is too loud, wierd, fake”, “your nose is too African, too fat, too flat, too round” “your lips are too large, too dark” “your too short” “your forhead is too big”
When numerous people repeatedly tell you the same thing over and over and over again, even if you didnt believe it before, you might and most certianly will begin to believe in their words.
Road to personal redemption
The statement that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder was one of the main reasons and ways I was able to walk back to a fairly put together person. As much as I could remember of my childhood, my beauty was always something for me to dread. I hated my hair, my nose, my cheeks, my eyebrows, my forehead, my eyelashes, my lips, my ears, my neck, my shoulders, my arms, my fingers, my stomach, my legs, my knees, my toes, my height. I mean, I seemed not to have a reason to love anything about myself, and anytime someone would make a positive comment about my features, I would feel extremely uncomfortable and out of place. As a matter of fact, it was almost instinctively that I would spend time un-believeing and un-telling myself what they had said.
So what is it about the saying that made me walk into the word of self-esteem development? It was the acknowledgement that everyone has their own opinion about how to perceive the exact same thing. So if someone did not think I was beautiful, someone somewhere does and will.
That was my spring board into the world of self esteem.
Then I began to realize that perhaps its not that people should believe and think I was beautiful. It was that I should believe and know that I am beautiful and that was the best part of discovering my personal beauty. Acknowledging that every aspect of me is perfect as it is and understanding that I would have probably been a very different person if anything was different, made me realize that the external consent of my beauty was not important, but rather the internal acknowledgement and approval of my features and chracteristics was the best part of the whole beauty charade.
The personal acknowledgement that you are beautiful is a powerful tool. The thoughts that stem from reminding yourself that you are beautiful, without fear of your own or of others’ criticism is more powerful than any external praise. These personal empowering thoughts makes the challenges faced while building self worth and self esteem much easier to handle and worth every second.
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