Everyone can testify to having challenges in life. The poor, rich, young, old, healthy, sick, strong and weak.
Everyone has obstacles to overcome. The true challenge in life isnโt that we have difficulties to face, its that we do not know how to effectively deal with them. We have not been given the information or the necessary training and tools to efficiently and gently deal with the circumstances that we face.
Personal experience:
I cannot say that my life has been a walk in the park, it has not.
I also donโt think that everyone elseโs lives have been all about rainbows and candy canes. For the most part, my life has been filled with turbulence, storms, hurricanes, and earthquakes.
I never understood and still don’t understand the nature of my life, but I know that each chapter, re
The most important concept that has helped me change how I live the turbulence in my life is the fact that I can make choices and changes that will empower how I interact with the thunderstorms and floods.
I know that I cannot change the external circumstances of my life, but I can change how I interact with life.
1.Living with a should mentality:
Living in the constancy of โshouldโ makes it impossible for you to simply โbeโ. The concept of should takes away the very important value of being enough.
The biggest downfall in most peopleโs lives is their mentality.
How you think affects how you act, which affect how you live. Your mentality makes or breaks the quality of your life.
For example: If you are constantly thinking that you should be 120 pounds and you are currently 145 pounds, your weight is simply not good enough, you will take the time and effort to sell yourself reasons why your weight (thus you) are not good enough. Then, you will project images and ideas of how perfect you will be when you lose the weight and finally have the body that you โshouldโ have.
This is a destructive concept that is applied to all aspects of life; ourselves, cars, houses, spouses, careers, wealth etc.
For most people, the gap between reality and โshouldโ is the biggest source of stress, discontent, depression, and anxiety.
Solution:
Start focusing less on what โshould beโ and put more focus on โwhat isโ.
When you truly understand what is, and accept it for what it is, life becomes simpler, more pleasant and worthwhile.
Tools:
Meditation:
Learning how to meditate will help you learn how to accept what is. There are many benefits to meditation, although, the most beneficial aspect to me has been the ability to observe things as they are and accept them for what they are.
Accepting life as it is now has changed how I value myself and the journey of life.
Meditation will function as a bridge for you as you work to close the gap between expectations and realities of who you are, what you have, and where you are in life.
2. Expecting and demanding more than you are capable of:
This brings about the important concept of simplicity.
We live in a world of things, manufactured by things, for things. We are taught early in life to want and acquire as many things as possible whether we are capable of affording them or not.
Well, if we are not able to afford it now, we can do one of two things, or possibly both things. We can either borrow (live on credit) to keep up with the Jonesโs, or we can break our backs becoming rich so we can get the stuff. And when we do get rich, we can also live on credit while breaking our backs to keep up with the Kardashians.
The idea becomes, the more the merrier. The only problem with that advice is that the true nature of life is actually, the less, the better.
You do not need a 3 bedroom house that is $200,000 above your budget if itโs only a family of 2. You also do not need 3 cars, 1 motorcycle, and a moped for
You also do not need the $500 shoes, or suit, or the daily Starbucks drinks that cost you hundreds of dollars over your budget every month.
The things you need are simple, very basic, and when you look into it, you will find that you already have them. Perhaps not in the way that you want, but you will realize that you have what you need, and sometimes not what you want.
…And that is O.K.
There is nothing wrong with not having what you want. We are in a greed-driven global society that sells wants as needs and basic needs as poverty. Which creates a sense of shame around not having what everyone else has.
Solution:
You should understand that having the basics is enough to make you content and happy, and that should be enough. This becomes a matter of need vs. want. Learn to live within your means and needs and find solace with that.
Tools:
Create a want vs need list:
Try to think of things in a want vs. need manner. Is it a want based on external expectations or is it a need for a valuable existence?
Sometimes it could be difficult to decide based on a want vs. need rubric, but, if want vs. need does not solve the problem, then bring in factors such as finances, space, the stress involved to acquire the item/s etc.
The basic idea of this exercise is to simplify your life. Put more focus on your needs rather than your wants. Especially if your wants are to live up to expectations.
Hopefully, this will get rid of the “if I don’t have what they have, I am nothing” mentality, and will build on concept 1 above by helping you let go of “shoulds” and simply find
3.Living without gratitude
More, more, more, more, more. This is the global life slogan of the 21st century. More money, more clothes, more shoes, more gadgets, more cars, more houses. More, more, more,more.
The sad truth is that more isnโt better. A bigger source of sad news is that most people do not understand that the simple tool of gratitude breeds abundance.
What?!?! …… Yup!!!
Gratitude makes everything you have greater, better and feel like more than it actually is. So yes, gratitude breeds abundance.
Letโs unfold this concept for a moment before we move on to my point. Think for a second about something you feel is stressing you or you need to change, perhaps your apartment, car, clothes, career, whatever it is. Bring it to mind.
Now put on an imaginary set of glasses that can only see the good in that thing. Think about 5 good things and if you are having a hard time with this exercise, give it a second before giving up. For most people, a flood of negative aspects will come to mind first, causing frustration and sometimes anger.
…
Give it a second.
…
Let the flood of negative mental comments pass, (donโt try to fight them, just let the thoughts be). Now, think about the things you like about that thing. Regardless of how small or big the like is, list it. Now appreciate it for those things you listed.
If you cannot learn how to appreciate the little things, you will never be able to appreciate the bigger matters and aspects of life. And life will simply pass you by.
Solution:
1. Learn to practice active gratitude.
For example, If you are constantly complaining about where you live, actively change the circumstances that are not acceptable. So, declutter your house to create more space, sell a few of the couches to make more room for the kids to play or create an office space, or simply create a viable circumstance so you can move etc.
2.Develop an attitude of gratitude.
An attitude of gratitude will help you appreciate the things you have now, and teach you to cultivate a positive lens for the things that you do not have or like.
Everything has a good and a bad, what you choose to focus on will dictate the quality of your life and how you interact with the people, things
An attitude of gratitude will teach you to value the good in
Tools:
Gratitude journal:
I keep a gratitude journal where I write three things I am grateful for through my day. Sometimes they are deep concepts and other times, I am simply grateful to have a comfy bed after a day filled with inflammation and unexplainable aches and pains.
The things you are grateful for do not need to be groundbreaking ideas, they simply need to be the things that put a smile on your face or made you feel at ease that day.
Believe it or not, those things are there, it may be hard to notice them
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