December 2017:I was in the midst of divorce turmoil, residing at my uncle’s house when decided to take myself out, yes, like a date. To do something that I love, to take my mind off things and simply have the desire to smile about something. I decided to go to Bomas of Kenya for traditional dance performances. I had heard of the landmark through time, during the elections it is the place where votes are tallied and the president and vice president announced. Although, other than its political purpose, it holds a light of honor to all 43 tribes in Kenya, showcasing their ways of homestead life and offering a space where traditional dances can be practiced and performed. The decision was long over due, I had been wanting to go to the performances for over 3 months. I was stoked!
As a child, various traditional dances that were aired on t.v every weekday evening, and I loved watching them. Like clock work, I made sure that I was showerd, dressed and sitting before the television for the scheduled programming. I always sat there before the program began, wide eyed in anticipation of the performances that were scheduled for the day. Every day, my heart would beat in excitement and a joy would overpower me that was and has always been unmatched.
The dances just made me feel alive, they made me feel like there was more to me than I believed and best of all, they made me feel part of something greater.
I was nervous as I called the uber, I felt pangs of anxiety and some form of fear that simply rose from a familiar place, my experiences with my husband. Feeling as though I needed permission for something that does not require permission. I simply breathed. I took a deep breath and allowing myself to release the resistance that was slowly building in my chest and slowly spreading to my stomach. I walked to the mirror, eyeing what I had decided to wear, smiled at myself and looked into my eyes. I looked into my fear stricken eyes and simply gave myself a gentle smile said, “I love you Iman Habel and it’s ok for you to go to the dances.” The Uber called and I picked up, smiling, I stood tall, shoulders back and walked out of the house.
The ride to Bomas of Kenya was truly eventful, the uber driver was a joyful older man in his late fifties with a very cheerful demeanor. He told me about the misfortunes of his life and how he moved from Mombasa due to tribal clashes and nested in Nairobi. He told me of life lessons everyone must abide by, such as seeking the best and finding the best side in every situation and simply trusting that life knows what its doing.
As we pulled into the parking lot, I could hear the drums, the singing, and the conjunction of instruments that brought the traditional dances to life. I paid and made my way inside the auditorium to find a performance part-way. As soon as I walked into the hall, I smiled, a big smile, larger than I had in a very long time. I felt a sense of familiarity and joy that seemed to stem far deeper than I could comprehend. I found a place to sit, somewhere centered so I would have a perfect-ish view of the performance, and sat in awe.
and of course, the maasai…
I could not stop smiling!
After the traditional performances, came the acrobatic show.
By the time the event was over, my cheeks were sore and my lips glued in one place. A smile.
As I walked out of the auditorium, felt a deep sense of joy that I had not felt in a very long time.
To make the day so much better, as I walked towards the uber, I saw warthogs!!! warthogs!!! Yes, I had been told stories and perhaps seen them at a distance, but never this close. I took videos and lots of pictures trying to glue my emotions in place as I was simply elated.
As I rode home, I decided to finally check in with the fear and anxiety that kept nagging me through the outing. I acknowledged it and simply decided that life is worth so much more than cowering behind the fear I have developed as a result of an abusive relationship. There is so much to see and do in life, and cowering fear has no place in the adventures of the life I wish to build.
